Chasing the Shade

“Stop…drop…and roll”: Existing in a state of future shock

2012-02-19T13:03:00.000-08:00

“Future shock is the shattering stress and disorientation that we induce in individuals by subjecting them to too much change in too short a time.” ~Alvin Toffler, Future Shock 1970

In 1970, futurist Alvin Toffler published his work called Future Shock. His premise was that though change and progress are generally good for a society, too rapid or sudden a change is decidedly unhealthy. He argued that the majority of social problems are symptoms of future shock. From his discussions of the components of such phenomena, the term “information overload” emerged.

What does this mean for us on a personal level? How are we affected by these elements, and how do we handle those effects? First let’s examine this concept of information overload and see how it applies to each of us.

I have a very dear friend who moved to the U.S. several years ago from a remote rural village. Modern amenities in the village consisted of a hand pump used to draw water from the community well, and bi-weekly delivery of mail. When he arrived in town, I was happy to take him shopping to pick up some basic supplies that he would need, so off we went to a nearby drugstore. I naively did not understand the impact this experience was going to have on my friend. He stayed behind me as we walked into the store, and I headed for the toiletries aisle where he could choose shampoo, toothpaste, etc…but looking around I discovered that he was no longer with me. I re-traced our path to the front door, only to find him standing outside with his eyes closed. When I asked him what was wrong, all he could repeat was “too much…too much”. Suddenly I realized my folly and led him back to the quiet safety of the car. I had overlooked the fact that my friend was used to nature sounds, horse hooves, people’s voices, wind in the trees, a crackling fire, a night sky uninterrupted by modern streetlights, and a much slower pace than he was observing in his current surroundings. He did not own a watch, he took his cues from the rising and setting of the sun and the general rhythm of each day as tasks were done, meals prepared, stories told, and sleep embraced. The sounds of traffic, electric doors, the glare of bright commercial lighting, the vast array of products on store shelves, schedules and time constraints…these were all foreign to him and pushed him quickly into the very state that Alvin Toffler described: information overload. There was simply too much happening too fast, too many choices, too many pressures, and too much noise and visual distraction for him to cope with. The stress was too much and he wanted nothing more than to escape the ruckus he sensed all around himself.

An example like the one I just described is relatively simple. If someone is overwhelmed by a situation, the easy solution is to remove them from that situation. I took my friend home and allowed him time in the quiet of the house to settle down and find his peace again. No radio, no television, no phone calls…these were all things he had lived his whole life without, and to him they were nothing more than a noisy interruption. Within a short time, I looked up to find him more in his element: he had gone outside and was weeding the spinach patch in my garden. In time, my friend gradually grew accustomed to “how life is” here, and though he still preferred the relative quiet of a garden or a stroll through the woods, he acclimated very well and learned how to cope with the stresses that surrounded him.

It is great when we can remove ourselves from the situations or stimuli that irritate us or drive our blood pressure through the roof. But what about those times when we simply cannot walk away? What do we do when we have no choice but to remain where we are while the information superhighway paints a double yellow line down the center of our minds and the speed limit seems far too high for safety?

Let me introduce the concept of “Stop…Drop…and Roll”.

When we find ourselves in a stressful situation, or even when we simply feel bombarded by yet another day filled with noise, emails, phone calls, schedules, and deadlines, we are bound to experience moments ranging from mild irritation to actual severe anxiety. Our heart pounds, thinking becomes difficult, we lose our focus and everything in us just wants to escape to a quiet, peaceful, slower place. If we cannot physically do so, we can still mentally bring ourselves to a place of re-centering and take a break from the chaos swirling around us.

We can stop.

In that moment when we feel pressure from every side, we can simply stop. Place one or both of our hands over the center of our chest and take a long, slow deep breath, feeling the air expand our lungs and the tension abate as we let that breath go. Humans have been breathing this same way for thousands of years…we are connected in this way with every human being who has ever lived. No matter what other changes have occurred, no matter what inventions or technologies have come and gone, breathing is a constant force. We can focus on that breath just for a minute, allowing each slow intake of life-giving air to feed our bodies and calm our thoughts. We can realize in that moment that if everything around us were to fall apart, if technology suddenly failed, if the lights all went out, if our car broke down and our phone stopped ringing…our breath would still be the most important thing. Focusing on that breath brings us back to a quiet center where all human beings congregate across the millennia. All of the external man-made things around us sometimes just have to wait a minute so that our humanity can survive…one breath at a time.

This is also a matter of empowerment. In a world where so many facets of our daily lives are somewhat beyond our control, it is empowering to exercise the choice to call a halt to activity and take a few moments to protect our well-being. It is always easier to handle stressful situations when we can maintain objectivity and keep a healthy distance between ourselves and the circumstance at hand. Sometimes we will be able to push on through whatever pressures us, but other times it is vital that we learn to simply stop, even if only for a brief time.

Next, we drop.

What? Get down on the ground? No. Well, not unless you happen to be in an actual fire, of course. Otherwise, aim talking about dropping things that are weighing us down and causing distress. These things could be just about anything: excessively overloaded schedules, unrealistic goals, a habit of taking on more than we can handle, failing to say “No” when a demand on our time is unreasonable. Even things we assume we cannot function without such as cell phones, email messages, social networking activities, doorbells, and a host of other interruptions really can be set aside at least for a time while we collect ourselves and have a moment of peace.

In this age of technology, it almost requires an act of God for us to realize that life will not come to an end if we do not snap to attention every time the telephone rings or our email notifier alerts us to a new arrival to our inbox. We can set all of these things aside, hang out an “I’m not here for the next five minutes” sign, and leave it all behind just for a short time. The difficult thing about this is that sometimes it might seem that we have to set aside something that we really don’t want to. We have to admit to ourselves that oftentimes we increase our own stress by holding onto things, both good and bad, that we should walk away from. For example, if I am already overworked and exhausted and someone asks me to take on a particular task that is going to tax my energies even more, it is my responsibility to politely explain that I am unable to take on that task. I might have to say “No” to something, even if it would ordinarily be a pleasant task for me. Putting down the things that are burdensome or painful to some degree is not too difficult…putting down things that are enjoyable to us can be far more of a challenge. But we have only so much energy, only a certain capacity for productivity and it is up to us to protect ourselves by recognizing our own limits and then setting reasonable boundaries.

We do live, as Alvin Toffler pointed out, in a culture that values productivity and success above nearly all else. We are pushed, and we tend to push ourselves, to accomplish more, get things done faster, cram as many activities as possible into even the last three seconds of every minute. We must develop the skill of recognizing when our frenzied pace is actually a negative influence on our health, whether physical, emotional, or mental. Even our spirituality as humans is placed at risk if we cannot maintain reasonable limits for ourselves. Dad-to-day overload can drain us of the ability or even the desire to set our thoughts on higher things and we quickly lose sight of our true place and purpose in the world. Choosing what to drop, what to permanently leave behind or what to temporarily set aside can be a challenge, but with practice we will soon see the benefits of cultivating this ability.

We can…we must… drop whatever is necessary to save our sanity, enabling ourselves to roll forward with renewed energy and peace of mind.

Moving on…rolling forward.

So, we have stopped the hectic activity swirling around us, we have dropped the extra burdens that were stressing us out, we have lightened our schedules, realized where we had allowed pressure into our lives rather than turning it away at the door, clarified our priorities, and situated ourselves in a somewhat more peaceful mental space. It might seem like this work of de-stressing ourselves is complete, but we cannot stay in this comfortable place for long. We all know what is about to happen: the phone is going to ring. The boss is going to drop another stack of paperwork on our desk. Someone is going to ask for help with a project on a day when our schedule is already crammed full. If we don’t move forward, we will find ourselves in the very same tense situation we just addressed, inviting anxiety to come calling. What do we do now?

We roll. When we drop something in order to lighten our load, we must move beyond it in order to avoid the temptation to go back and pick it up again. Even if we get to the end of the day and realize we actually have a little extra time left, we do not have to cram some sort of activity into that time! Perhaps we rescheduled an appointment or project for another day in order to lighten our schedule today. We need to leave that change in place; even if we get to the end of the day and think we could go ahead and cram it into that bit of free time. If we decided to eliminate a particular task altogether, we should not go back and re-claim that task just because we find a few extra minutes in our day. We need to leave that eliminated task alone and remind ourselves that we will be better off by having time to wind down the end of our day without pressure.

Of course, especially for people who are accustomed to being somewhat busy during the day, free time can be disconcerting if we have nothing at all to do. Leaving a vacuum of activity can actually cause more stress than it relieves, so we must wisely choose how to spend that time we have carved out for ourselves. Helpful choices would include activities that will enhance our peace of mind, since that was the whole point of this exercise! Going for a walk, chatting with a friend, reading a good book, pursuing a creative or artistic hobby, or playing with a family pet are all possibilities that contribute to a calm state of mind. Such activities also replace any nagging thoughts about the things we may have cut out of our day. Remember, we do not want to go back and retrieve any of those things we so recently dropped!

The interesting thing about all of this is that though it takes actual focus and energy at first to begin to address our “shocked” environment and make changes to improve upon our existence, in time it becomes a habit to consider carefully which encroachments we permit in our lives. We become more discerning with our priorities, and it becomes easy to choose our commitments. We might make it a general habit to turn off our cell phone for a short period every day just to guarantee an interruption-free time. Or we might choose to not look at email during certain hours before retiring to bed so that our minds are calm and we more easily fall asleep. These are simple things that help us to roll forward with more energy, less stress, and greater peace of mind.

There is no avoiding the fact that we live in a fast-paced, information saturated modern world. We face stresses on a daily basis that our ancestors never dreamed of. But we can maintain our own serenity in the midst of our rapidly changing, high-pressure society. We can…and for our own good, we must.

"In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you."

~Deepak Chopra

You taught me to breathe...

2011-12-15T10:56:00.000-08:00

You taught me to breathe under water

Through blood red windowpanes of agony

Illusions faded and reality blossomed

Clouds of blue on grey skies, reversal of primal truth

Freedom for constriction...

Strength for inability...

Power for helplessness...

Warring peace, a Soul's dichotomy.

Tethered to solid vapors, never more safe

Moving through sand, pushing the mountains

He was right: they move at soft command

My chest rises and falls, thoughts roll not race

Light pushes darkness away, forming space inside me

Loving comes easily, no need for heart-shaped bandages

Sweet provision of life I crave, though not air

Living is sweet, not a burden

Sleep comes without threat...

Dreams are sought, not feared...

Waking brings no doomsday premonition...

Lost things are best released, even precious baby dolphins

The sun stilll rises and ageless boulders sing of peace...

...since you taught me to breathe under water.

The Transformitive Power of Gratitude

2011-11-06T11:10:00.000-08:00

If yougoogle “Prosperity Coach,” I’m at or near the top of the first page. Damn,I must be really good, right!? But I didn’t become a Prosperity Coach/FinancialHealer because I have always been (or am even now) brilliant with money andoverflowing with oodles of it.

Trueconfessions: I have my “tight” months. I have consumer debt (again.) Once areal estate investor with four properties, I recently had to sell one on a“short sale” and even lost a house to foreclosure in the recent market crash.

Once“riding high,” with a healthy net worth and a sense of financialindestructibility (not unlike a teenager who doesn’t believe that their luckwill ever change), my luck did indeed change – dramatically. Perhaps God andthe angels were saying, “We hear you want to help people who are financiallystressed experience the reality of abundance… Are you SURE? Because we have atraining program for that… but it might not be what you think!”

Sureenough, ten years after my divorce, when I thought I had this “money thing” allfigured out, everything that could happen, did.

Myboyfriend changed his mind about living with me… right after I bought a house Icouldn’t afford by myself. The economy crashed as I launched my business, whichmeant my assets (mostly in real estate) vanished. My daughter badly fracturedher foot the same summer my father almost died. Then came my own healthchallenges… viruses, pneumonia, colitis, infections, and anemia. Some days, Ididn’t even have the energy to get out of bed. (As a self-employed breadwinner,this was not a recipe for prosperity….)

Butsomehow, in the middle of it all, a profound peace came upon me. I had found mycenter in the eye of the storm, and I knew that I would be - that I was – “okay.” I stopped responding tooutside indicators as if could dictate my worth and happiness, and I discoveredan inner abundance that I had not even realized was there.

Iwent back to the basics: prayer, meditation, and gratitude journaling. Ifocused on what I wanted, and took steps towards it, however small. I madeself-care a top priority, and I learned to receive as well as give.

Aboutthe same time, a friend was going through her own personal holocaust in aCalifornia prison. In a nightmarish chain of events, her baby had passed away,and after telling the paramedics she had given him small doses ofantihistamines to relieve his congestion, she was charged with first-degreemurder and held in custody on one million dollars bail.

Althoughthe first-degree murder charges didn’t stick, her life was a living hell fortwo years. Still mourning the loss of her son, she proceeded to lose her freedom,her home, her reputation, her belongings (liquidated for legal costs), custodyof her daughter, and eventually, her marriage.

Duringthis time, we talked as regularly as possible by phone. She was always glad toconnect to somebody “on the outside,” but I felt at a total loss of words. Iwas a newly certified “life coach,” but it didn’t seem like all the coaching inthe world could help.

Andyet, one day, I found myself challenging her to look around and find something(maybe just one little thing?) to be grateful for. Yes, her challenges weregreater than I could even imagine, but still… I hoped - almost ashamed atmyself for suggesting it, fearing I might be wrong - there must be a hint ofsunshine somewhere.

Inthe following weeks and months, letters from prison started arriving withgratitude lists. She was grateful when she could afford a little Lipton tea toenjoy in her cell. She was grateful when the light bulbs that were never turnedoff dimmed at night. She was grateful for envelopes, stamps, and tiny “golfpencils” to write with. She was grateful for her one small blanket. And when a nighttimefire alarm brought her to the yard, and she saw stars for the first time inmany months, she called me with tears of gratitude for the beauty of the nightsky.

Irecently came across one of her old letters, and it reminded me of thenecessity of always recognizing “the good stuff,” yes, during the hard times,but at all times. In a culture addicted to complaints and always seeking“more, more, MORE,” it is a transformative action to habitually declare the good we are experiencing each and everyday.

Today, I am grateful for anew home that meets my needs perfectly. I am grateful for my daughter. I amgrateful for the taste of yoghurt, text messages from my new boyfriend, a smallsummer electric bill, and a client’s breakthrough. I’m grateful that my friendis no longer in prison, but is on a sailboat adventure in the Pacific Oceanright now. And most of all, I’m grateful for gratitude, that miraculous littlemind-shift that has the power to change absolutely everything.

Kate Phillips of Total Wealth Coaching helps people go from frustrated, fearful, andfreaked out about money (feel free to add your own “F word” as it applies tomoney) to wealthy, worthy and wise. You can find her athttp://TotalWealthCoaching.com

Operation Iraq - Afghanistan

2011-11-04T10:26:00.000-07:00

www.operationiraq.org

Calling all Christmas elves, concerned citizens, and otherwise cool people who would just love to help!

“Bringing the Spirit of Christmas to the families of our real American Heroes on the frontlines.”

Operation Iraq-Afghanistan is excited to support the families of our American Heroes here on the homefront!

Our authorities in Washington DC blessed us with the good news of a downsized presence in Afghanistan as well as a real surplus of packages received on the frontlines last year. We are excited at the opportunity to focus on the families here at home with the emphasis on bringing “The Spirit of Christmas” to the children.

We will unite for our 9th year and touch the hearts of our children here at home by filling thousands of Christmas Stockings for our very special military families. We all know they deserve nothing less than the very best from us. We are looking to collect Christmas stockings, toys, games and more for the ages infants thru 18 years of age.

How You Can Help

We will be packing up our heartfelt Christmas Stockings November 18th at 6:00p.m. daily at the Totem Commercial Center located at 12700 NE 124th St, Suite #8 in Kirkland, WA. We will have an Operation Iraq-Afghanistan banner across the front of the building so that you can easily find us. Please make all efforts to car pool with others as we want to take full advantage of space available for parking and keep everyone safe. If you would like to volunteer to help pack, bring a few Christmas stockings and join us at 6:00pm. Email us to let us know how many are in your group. Thank you!

Here are some ways you can support Operation Iraq-Afghanistan: The Spirit of Christmas:

Send an email to family and friends, letting them know this is your charity of choice for the Christmas season.
Volunteer to help fill Christmas Stockings.
Volunteer to write thank you notes on greeting cards included in the care packages.
Make a donation using PayPal by clicking the “Donate” button in the left-hand column.
Help procure merchandise (“wish list” items, holiday greeting cards, artwork by kids, etc.).
Donate beverages and/or snacks for the volunteer packers and work crews.
Add our link to your website (www.OperationIraq.org).
Distribute or display mini-posters in storefront windows, churches, clubs and organizations that you are involved with.
Contact your favorite radio or tv news station aware of our project and invite them to join in the fun!
Ask your church, club or favorite organization to get involved in collecting items needed for these special Christmas Stockings to bring the “Spirit of Christmas” to the families of our military here at home.

Operation Iraq-Afghanistan: The Spirit of Christmas

PO Box 646

Kirkland, WA 98083

Phone: (425) 885-0796

Visit us on Facebook!

Adam and Eve...another perspective

2011-10-25T14:25:00.000-07:00

We have all heard the story…the big bad serpent came alongand deceived Eve, and she ate of the forbidden fruit. As if that weren’t badenough, she then gave the fruit to Adam, who also ate. As a result, they wereboth banished from the garden of Eden, and the entire human race after them wasplunged into the black pit of imperfection. Sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it?But there is a catch: the Biblical story tells us that Eve was deceived. Shewas tricked, manipulated if you will, into an act of disobedience. Adam thencame along and ate also, but without the element of deception. Eve did not haveto deceive him as the serpent did to her, she simply handed him the fruit andhe ate it seemingly without protest. The question that begs to be asked isclear: “Why did Adam choose to do such a destructive thing?” He could havewalked away…he could have told Eve to stay away from him as he did not want tojoin her in her folly…he could have just high-tailed it the other direction andlet God deal with Eve with no input from his side….but he didn’t. He ate. In sodoing, he joined her on the path to death.

Why?

I believe there are many reasons for Adam’s actions, butthey all boil down to one basic theme. He loved her. Completely and withoutlimits, no holds barred. He loved her with every fiber of his being and hisactions portray a greater lesson of devotion than had ever been witnessed. Manypeople say they love someone…but do they? When the chips are down and thebuffalo is standing there in the field empty, is that person who professes suchlove really still there through thick and thin, through every storm, throughevery sickness…through death itself, if need be? Rarely. It seems to be thepattern of humans to nurture an invisible line within their hearts that theywill indeed refuse to cross, even for the one they profess to so deeplycherish. Adam had no such line. When the time came for him to lay it all downin order to stand with his woman through the mysterious darkness of death, hestepped up to the plate, took the bat…and swung.

Sin is a destructive force. It is an archery term thatsimply means “missing the mark”. It doesn’t matter how far off from the bull’seye an arrow may land…any variance is imperfection, termed a “sin”. Before such imperfection’s entry into theworld, the garden was a beautiful place free of pain, death, hatred, fear, allthe common negatives now associated with life on planet earth. Existence wasidyllic, peaceful, pure and lovely. There was no sin scarring the face of thegarden, the animals, the towering trees or dainty flower blooms…or Adam’sbeautiful bride. Eve was pure in her heart, and likely beautiful of form…thereis no reason to suspect God would have made her flawed. Knowing this, let’simagine the scene when Adam sees the effect on Eve of her disobedience. Wasthere an immediate change? A visible shift, however mild, in her appearance orher demeanor? Did fear flutter through her eyes as she realized what she haddone? Did her physical body weaken in any apparent way, or did shame becomeevident on her face? Probably all of these things occurred, and more. The womanGod fashioned from Adam’s own rib stood before him marred for the first time inhuman existence…no longer perfect, no longer pure, knowing pain for the firsttime. What did Adam see?

I believe that what Adam saw was his lovely bride fadingbefore his very eyes. However slight the changes were, he noticed the effectsof sin insidiously weaving darkness through her being. It was no mystery, heknew what God’s command had been and he knew what the result would be of Eve’sdisobedience. He had never experienced death, but I am sure that God would havebeen clear as to the horrific nature of it in order to impress upon Adam theimportance of obedience. Adam knew it was too late to undo Eve’s actions…herfuture was clear. Death would come to her. In that moment, he made achoice. He chose to stand with her nomatter what, to be her protector, to never leave her to suffer alone. He atethe fruit, sealing his own fate as well. He chose his own death rather thanallowing his bride to suffer alone.

“Now, wait just a minute”, you might say. “We don’t knowwhat really went through Adam’s mind, it may be that he simply used poorjudgment or was brazenly disobedient just because the fruit seemed appealing”,you could argue, and you might be right. But that would mean that Adam waseither willfully rebellious all of a sudden, or that he was an absolute idiotwho didn’t know how to think. Neither seems very likely, as he had resided inpeace in the garden and would have had no reason to act as he did were it notfor Eve’s actions preceding his own. Mybelief is that Adam was neither rebellious, nor inept. Rather, he was enmeshedin the definition of true unity with his bride. She was indeed flesh of hisflesh and bone of his bone. They were one. He could no more allow her to diealone apart from him than transform himself into an orange elephant. In hiseyes he would have had only one choice: to remain at her side, bound to loveher through whatever would now come.

Spartan warriors would have readily understood such aconcept. They were raised from their mother’s knee to become men of battle, menwho could face an adversary and focus on the goal of victory for the entirearmy, holding his own personal safety in a secondary position. Spartans wereknown for their valor and their unshakable dedication to protecting their landand their families…and their fellow soldiers. Their training included anexercise wherein two men were tied together back to back and then defended eachother from outside attackers. There were several points to this exercise. Onewas to develop trust in their fellow soldiers even if they could not see them.A Spartan warrior knew that his brothers in arms would defend him to the death,would watch his vulnerable areas and “cover his back” as it were. Another pointwas to develop the idea that the battle was never within ranks. Soldiers didnot fight each other; they stood united against whatever enemy approached. Awarrior’s weapons were meant for slaying the enemy; they were never intended tobe turned against a fellow soldier. The third point of such training was a verysimple concept: No retreat. A Spartan soldier’s life embraced certainunchangeable elements: Train for battle. Engage and defeat the enemy whenattacked. Never run. Never abandon the defense of your land, your people, andyour fellow soldiers. Never leave those who are depending on you unprotected.These were non-negotiable standards that governed the life of a Spartanwarrior.

So, back to Adam. Definitely no Spartan…or was he? In manyrespects, he bore the weight of Eve’s sin even more heavily because it was nothis own. He was supposed to have protected her…he should have “had her back”when the serpent began its stealthy attack of deception. Instead, Eve somehowhad time and space to engage the enemy on her own without the safety of afellow soldier guarding her back…and she blew it. Adam no doubt felt some levelof responsibility for having not been quicker on the draw, but nonetheless thedamage was already done. So now what? Adam couldn’t save Eve from her folly, hecould only watch as she handed the fruit out to him. Was there a plea in hereyes in that simple act? Did she too know that she would soon be torn from herbeloved’s side to endure the horrible thing called “death”? Was there a momentof imploring Adam to help her somehow? We can’t know for sure, but one thingthe story does tell us is that Adam ate. I imagine the tears rolling from hereyes as she watched him take that fateful bite…perhaps knowing that her man wasby that very act destroying himself alongside her and joining her on the pathto whatever their doom would entail. Together. She stumbled unwisely onto asword that forever changed her course…he chose death by the same sword stillbathed in her blood, simply because her own wound was mortal…he knew she couldnever recover.

He simply would not leave her to suffer alone.

On another note, perhaps it was not only Eve’s sufferingalone that Adam was worried about. Perhaps he preferred death with her toremaining in the garden without her. Sometimes the thought of the person welove leaving us is more than we can bear, even when circumstances are dire. Sowhile Adam may very well have been acting with steadfast devotion, he may alsohave had just a shred of personal agenda at work. He may have looked around thegarden and thought, “This just won’t be Paradise without her here”, and thatthought alone may have held more pain than his human heart could handle.

Of course, all we can really know for sure is what the storysays…and it leaves much to conjecture. There are many possibilities of what mayhave occurred, the thoughts that may have run through Adam’s mind, the confusionor rebellion in Eve’s heart. We may never know the whole truth. But of onething I am certain: we too, like Adam, have choices. I choose to believe thatthe human heart really can possess a spirit so devoted to another that evendeath is not enough to sever their bond. I choose to believe that the heart of a Spartan warrior truly does beatwithin the chest of a man. I choose to believe in the good, and in the existence of a love aspowerful as Adam’s.

2011-06-17T13:13:00.001-07:00

Friday June 17, 2011

Fitness Goal Day 3...

All right, I'll admit it...today's ride hurt at the end. Perhaps it was the distance increase I convinced myself I could accomplish (Rode a total of 30.2 miles, a 1.7 mile increase over yesterday's ride), or maybe it had something to do with a slightly wonky eating schedule as I adjusted meal times yesterday...probably a combination of both. Nonetheless, I was happy to be done and my legs will definitely need a walk later this evening!

Knowing I burned off 1,690 calories sure rocks my little world, though!

Under the advice of someone far more knowledgeable than I on these matters, I will rest some this weekend...though I am quite certain I will still do SOMETHING, I do see the benefit of allowing the body time to rest and recover when it is being pushed hard on a regular basis.

“The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward.” ~Amelia Earhart

Fitness goal day 2...

2011-06-17T09:16:00.000-07:00

Thursday June 16, 2011

Well, today was a great day! The bike ride felt good for the most part, and the cool-down walk afterward was a relief.

Here's how it played out:

~Burned 375 calories by the 30 minute mark

~Burned 775 calories by the 60 minute mark.

~Burned 1,000 calories by the 80 minute mark, shaving off 4 minutes from my earlier goal.

~Rode a total distance of 28.5 miles

~Burned a total of 1,605 calories!

I think the daily pushups are helping, as my obliques are not hurting so badly at the end of each bike ride. Yay!!

Thanks to my Personal Fitness Guru who has helped me work out my food intake and scheduling of meals around certain times that I ordinarily fast. Working out hard the day after an almost total fast is draining, but I think the new plan we worked out is going to keep me comfortable even on/after those days of extremely low calorie intake.

As a side note, I have also noticed that I am sleeping more. I have typically slept no more than four, maybe five hours a night at the most for many years, but recently I have noticed that I am sleeping more hours and more deeply than I have previously. The last two nights I slept seven hours a night, which is quite unusual for me. Good changes!

A few words of inspiration from a movie I liked..."Enough". It is the story of a woman who fought back...who took charge of protecting herself...who grew into a woman of strength and courage...who refused to accept defeat. A little different context than my own current challenges and goals...but in many ways not so different at all. This exchange occurs during one of her training sessions:

Trainer: "So, how do you win? How?"

Slim: "I attack."

Trainer: "And what do you do after you attack?"

Slim: "Nothing."

Trainer: "Why nothing?"

Slim: "I never stop attacking."
So, I'm taking these words with me into Friday, with that attitude in mind: Go forward. Do something, no matter what, to achieve my goals today. Press closer to that finish line I have stretched in front of myself. Reach further, push harder, require of myself that which I know I am capable of...and NEVER STOP ATTACKING.

With 4.5 more pounds gone, and the need to wear a belt to keep my jeans from falling down, I am looking forward to every bit of forward progress! Blessings to everyone, and may YOU all reach YOUR goals, too!

2011-06-17T06:27:00.000-07:00

‎"Be brave. You are the only thing you can control. Really.

So focus on what you can do, what you need to do,

to move yourself forward."

Sonny update Thursday June 16, 2011

2011-06-16T09:21:00.000-07:00

Happy summer!

Well, here we are again, sunny June and summer is nearly upon us! There has been a lot going on with Sonny I recent weeks, so I will do my best to re-cap it all for those who are at the mercy of this Journal to stay informed...

It seems that we have a great deal of trouble keeping Sonny's new headrest in good working order. No matter how many times it has been repaired and tightened, somehow it mysteriously ends up disconbobulated to the point of being nearly useless. Must be those gremlins again, since no one else seems to be willing to fess up to it.

Meanwhile, it does seem that Sonny is lifting his head up and turning it around more often, which is a good sign. Obviously it means that he is able to physically lift and move his head, but it also shows us that he is interested enough in what goes on around him that he wants to observe and pay attention. Those are big milestones as well, so we are thrilled to see them.

In other news, we have continued with Sonny's regular visits home every other weekend, and added a new activity a couple weeks ago! Our cousin sings in a men's acapella group, and they were performing...so we took Sonny to an afternoon concert! Fortunately the auditorium was very comfortable, and there was a good location to park Sonny's chair next to us so that he could see well. He very frequently lifted up his head and was obviously paying attention when the singing was going on, and he even seemed to look intently at the pictures in the program when I opened it on his lap. He has always really loved music, so we really think it was an enjoyable afternoon for him.

After the concert, we stopped for a good hamburger and got him a milkshake to go with. He did a great job eating the burger and fries, of course! It was very close to his ordinary bedtime when we got him back to North Creek, but he stayed awake the whole day up until then...another important milestone. We thought back to when we first began bringing him out and about, how tired he would become just from a short trip to the house and how he would fall asleep from the fatigue. He doesn't seem to get so tired anymore, so it looks like he has slowly acclimated to the increase in activity and does very well with his outings. We try to be careful not to do too much or get him too tired, as extremes for Sonny are always a possible seizure trigger. Stress is bad for him, so we try to keep things calm and low-key even when doing something fun. So far so good!

Even the sore red areas on his skin seem to be doing better. The staff at North Creek have been much better about putting his cream on regularly, which is a definite help. Of course, once again this keeps him more comfortable, and reduces his general stress level, which leaves him more energy for other things.

With summertime here, we know that everyone gets busy and has lots to do. But we sure hope you all will stay in touch with Sonny, and know how much all of your contact means to him and to us. I recently saved all of the journal entries and guestbook notes to files on my computer so that they will never accidentally be lost...they are a precious keepsake to us, a reminder of just how far he has come from ground zero. So, in Sonny's words:

"Whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger." Here's to our own personal Superman!

Blessings to all,

Lorrie...for Sonny and the whole fam-damily!

JustLorrie@gmail.com

206.330.3269

Fitness goal Day 1

2011-06-15T12:01:00.000-07:00

Wednesday June 15, 2011

Okay, first a reminder of the goals:
1) Ride 35 miles in 2 hours by July 13, 2011
2) Maintain steady progress in time and distance during the next 28 days as I reach for that 35 miles!

So, here is what happened today!
I set a tentative goal of 27 miles for today, since I have been hitting 25. In actual fact, I made 28.4 miles. Whoopee! It feels great to actually surpass what I thought I could do, but this also tells me that as I continue to push myself I am re-gaining strength I already had previously. Sometimes that progress comes in "fits and starts", but it always feels great!
Total calorie burn for the ride was 1,536. Great! But I made a rather unsettling discovery about 75 minutes into the ride...I felt HUNGRY. The banana and glass of milk that previously carried me just fine through 15 miles, simply was not cutting it to get me through 28! So I will definitely be consulting my Favorite Fitness Guru for advice about what exactly to change up there as far as fuel.

Later this evening I will walk a few miles to keep my legs loose, and have added 20 pushups for good measure.

Only 7 miles away from that 35 mile goal, and the Storm King hiking trail beckons me...

“Strength does not come from physical capacity.

It comes from an indomitable will.”

~Mahatma Gandhi

2011-06-15T11:43:00.000-07:00

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
~Lao Tzu

New fitness goals...

2011-06-14T13:38:00.000-07:00

Tuesday June 14, 2011

Well, the results are in! Friday I completed this two week goal by riding 41km, bringing my total to 322km! Having started with a goal of 250km, I must admit I felt awfully good about where I ended up. It is an amazing feeling to look back and realize that though it was a push just to get the 25km at first, I was able to persist and actually exceed my goal by the end. So now comes the next leg of this little journey!

I am a very "result-oriented" type of person...goals are extremely motivating to me. So I realize that I need a new one in order to continue pushing myself forward so that I don't get too comfortable right here. Now, he doesn't know it yet, but I will be counting on a partner-in-crime to assist me with the last leg of this little portion of my journey, because it entails a rather steep hill climb...one that I intend to be able to do by the end of the summer without killing myself or falling over from muscle cramps! Having seen the beginning of that particular climb, and knowing that it is roughly 2.5 miles in length, I believe that two month's time is sufficient to get myself ready to do it.

Meanwhile, how to get there. New riding and walking goals! Drumroll please...and here we go!
28 days beginning tomorrow, June 15, 2011 and ending July 13, 2011

Biking:

Right now I can hit about 42 km, or slightly over 25 miles in 2 hours. Definitely not breaking any land speed records, but I'm okay with that since I do see pretty steady increases in the distance I can cover in that same period of time. Now, my new goal is going to be to hit the 35 mile mark by the end of the next 4 weeks. That adds about 2.5 miles per week onto my current ride, and I definitely think that's an attainable goal. I will track each day how many miles I add up. I plan to ride five days each week, so even at the outset I should log no less than 125 miles per week...we'll see how many I can squeeze in.

Walking:

My ordinary routine is to bike in the morning and then walk in the evening, which is a good pattern for me so I don't plan to change it. I typically walk either 4 or 5 miles, so I think I'll try to press that toward 5 most days and try to get in 25 miles per week. Walking more hills will help me with that trail climb I have my eye on. There are a few steep ones around here, so I'll map the distance and hit those whenever I can instead of walking only on flatter terrain.

Throwing in some pushups at this point because I think it will help my abs to not ache so much from the bike riding, and will also give me the added morale boost of seeing some change in muscle tone. It's time. Yup. No hard pressed goals for those at this point, as I have no intention of re-injuring my left shoulder by pushing too hard too fast.

Meanwhile, green tea with apple cider vinegar added is my dear friend, sweets and potato chips are anathema to my existence, and my path lies clearly before me. Thanks for sharing this little piece of life with me! Here's to all the good things coming!

"Failure is not an option."

2011-05-31T22:38:00.000-07:00

"There is nothing to writing...all you do is sit down at the typewriter and bleed." ~Ernest Hemingway

The infamous post-it note...friend or foe?

2011-05-26T11:35:00.000-07:00

I really like technology…really, I do. I love having a telephone with which I can call a friend from the middle of nowhere by a beautiful lake, though there is not a phone booth in sight. I also really enjoy being able to work using my laptop computer while people-watching at the mall on a Friday afternoon.

Believe it or not, I even appreciate the convenience of the self-checkout line at the grocery store! How many of us used to think, when we were children, how much fun it must be to ring up people’s groceries and bag them up? Now I get to do that any time I want to! But in spite of all this excitement and ease provided by the use of modern gadgets, there is one thing I have simply not been able to part with: the always faithful Post-it note.

Now, I know I could write notes to myself in the memo section of my cell phone. That is, after all, what the memo section is there for, right? Things like grocery lists, reminders to pick up the dry cleaning, perhaps even recipes or directions to that weekend barbecue I was invited to attend. I could store all of this right there in the memo section of my phone. But isn’t that why Dr. Spencer Silver introduced his mildly sticky and oh-so-useful paper invention to the world in 1977? He foresaw people like me with our reminder notes stuck to our computer screens, our front doors, even the outside of our wallets (remember the grocery list?), and he knew he was providing a valuable tool.

So, what is my point with all of this? It’s simple: I like my Post-it notes because they work for me.

In business, as in my personal life, there are things that are just simpler for me…like Post-it notes. They save me time and energy, freeing me to work more productively by helping me to remember important things. The catch is, what works for me, the things that make my daily tasks more easily completed are not the same for everyone else around me.

Just because something works well for one person does not mean it will work well for someone else. It is important to sort through these issues objectively and choose for ourselves what works for each of us. Let’s consider a few basic points that are sometimes cause for raised eyebrows and whispered suggestions that someone just hasn’t caught up with “progress” just yet.

Are you a techno-gadget guru? Some people are. I have a family member who keeps her entire life in her iPhone. Everything from schedules to shopping lists, driving directions, questions to bring up at her next business meeting, even an alarm set to sound off and remind her to file her tax return. She carries no paper tablet or notebook, everything is noted in her phone and she likes it that way. It obviously works for her because she is seldom late for anything, she never forgets things she needs to purchase, and yes, her tax return was filed on time. I will not be buying her a set of personalized Post-it notes for Christmas this year.

Other folks are known by baristas and waiters city-wide as “the guy with the laptop computer permanently attached to his right hip” because everywhere they go, they have their computer case in hand. These are the efficiency-minded people who return emails during lunch, send notes to their kids while researching flights and lodging for their next business trip, and scan the latest trade journals online while having a phone conversation with a potential new client. They are accomplished multi-taskers, and their laptop has all the latest high-speed gadgetry that guarantees them rapid communication with minimal delay in obtaining information. Their computer is insured so that repairs are fast and inexpensive, because life without their computer would be no life at all. And guess what? They like it that way.

See where I’m going with this? Some people would rather use a notebook and pen, carry a calculator, keep an address book and directly dial their phone calls, and wait until they are back in the office to check emails or other electronic correspondence. Incidentally, these are the sort of people who probably still use post-it notes. Others are more than willing to jump headlong into modern technological methods of communication and business, leaving no paper trail and having very little need of a recycle bin. Both methods work perfectly for those who are comfortable with each one…neither method is right for both sets of people.

What about basic communication? How do we feel about email versus phone calls, or one-on-one conversations versus addressing an entire group at one time? In an era where productivity is valued and entrepreneurs are always searching for ways to accomplish more in less time, it is important that we recognize that people are not the same as the gadgets we employ every day in our business activities. People are not computers or databanks that can be turned on or off at our discretion, and communication has two sides: the giver of information on one side, the receiver of that information on the other. Both must be considered carefully for successful interaction to occur.

It is easy to get caught up in pursuing the next client, expanding our business base, or viewing people as demographic statistics rather than as individuals…but people are individuals, so every interchange of thoughts should be formed with that in mind. Some people are able to communicate more clearly in writing than in person, while others simply cannot convey an idea clearly unless they are standing in the presence of the person with whom they want to share their thought. Once again, what works for one person may not work for someone else, and this can create bumpy terrain for professional communication.

For example: What if my most effective means of communication is through writing, but the person with whom I need to communicate is not adept at understanding written concepts? Perhaps for them, the easiest method of exchanging ideas is through one-on-one verbal conversation. Now what? As a business person, it falls to me to understand a client or colleague’s preferences in this area, and to then make every effort to communicate in the way that is best for them.

It matters not if I feel that I have conveyed my thoughts to them in the way that is most comfortable for me, if they come away unclear about my intentions or with only minimal understanding of the concept I attempted to convey. In other words, if the other person can’t “get it”, then I haven’t done an effective job of communicating.

As entrepreneurs who support the efforts of our colleagues and co-laborers in the world of business, can we recognize that there is usually more than one way to get something done, and that it is rarely an issue of a “right way” or a “wrong way” to reach the desired end? Everyone has different styles, different preferences, and different methods that work for them. Making room for these differences allows us all to function at our best and also invites the beauty of individuality into the often mundane tasks that fill certain portions of our time.

I won’t poke fun at your affection for your iPhone if you don’t tease me about my affinity for Post-it notes... we should get along just fine.

The Bondage of Possessions

2011-05-26T10:36:00.000-07:00

Closet organizers…stacker trays for our desks…extra sturdy storage boxes…special labels, stickers and tabs…post-it notes to remind us to pay the storage bill…reminders to buy more post-it notes…what do all of these have in common? They are the period at the end of our sentence describing the daily chore of keeping our stuff in order. Boxes for paperwork, prize ribbons, and particular paraphernalia. Trays for tracing the trail of endless tedious tasks. Organizers ominously loaded with obviously outdated objects. How much energy does all of this material require of us, and do we really want to allot that time to the handling of…well, “stuff”?

“40% of cleaning isn’t actually cleaning – it’s time spent digging past, carrying, relocating, and protecting stuff…”Shocking? That statement comes from Don Aslett, foremost cleaning expert in America. Maybe this statistic is not as earth-shattering as the procreation rate of the average cockroach, but definitely something we should take a serious look at if we are at all concerned about our own productivity. Much has been written about how to keep our lives, closets, desks, paperwork, even our car’s glove compartment in order, but let’s get to the point: Here in America we are inundated with possessions almost to the point of smothering. Adjusting our view on possessions, prioritizing between things we actually need versus things we just want to have, will help us to be more productive by reducing the distraction and stress in our everyday environment.

How do we decide which items are truly important and which just contribute to the chaos that weighs us down? A few simple steps will bring clarity to our clutter:

Prioritize safekeeping for precious items that are irreplaceable. I have always kept a “house-fire duffel bag” in a closet near the front door of my home. Inside that bag are the most precious things in the world to me, things that I will want to grab and carry as I run away from my burning house if that should ever occur. Keeping the items in a fire-proof container inside the bag is a good idea to ensure that they survive an actual fire. In any emergency, that bag is my priority of objects to grab once I know that my family is safe.
Keep daily-use items handy. Whether you are a chef, an accountant, or a construction worker, there are tools you will use for your trade every single day. Keep those tools within a short reach, maintaining a “home” for them to always return to. For example: the items on my desk are always in the same place, giving me extra space for books and research materials related to my current writing project and providing a non-chaotic environment in which for me to write. A chef would want certain items within easy reach at all times without having to dig through drawers or cupboards for them. A carpenter will want particular tools on their tool belt, ready for quick use and easy to stow away without being misplaced. Whatever your work is, be realistic about what you need at your immediate disposal and what could be stowed away for only occasional use.
Purge regularly! Be honest now: Do you really need two copies of the same book, or fourteen paperweights? Unless you truly employ the use of multiples in your work, downsize where you can get rid of excess. Donate the unneeded items to a charity, or perhaps to a fledgling business just getting started. This is an especially helpful tool when applied to clothing. If I haven’t worn something for a full year, I’m probably not going to and I can pass it on without regret. Same goes for extra electronic charging cables, camera parts, old cell phones, computer accessories, printers, and other items I tend to end up with extras of.
Use your filing cabinet creatively. Seriously, filing cabinets…they’re not just for papers anymore! Designate one drawer to be a “once-a-month clean-up” drawer, then once every month empty it out by donating, selling, or trashing everything in it. This keeps miscellaneous clutter from occupying useable space on your desk or countertop, and allows you to realize at the end of the month just how much you did NOT miss those items in the drawer. This concept can easily be applied to the home, office, and vehicle.
Avoid the temptation to “buy ahead” or to “stock up just in case”. Some things are worth purchasing in bulk, and it makes good business sense to buy in quantity those items that you use regularly. However…do you really have room to store one hundred post-it-note tablets? Better yet, do you need to have that many? Many times the cost savings is not worth the stress of having to make room for more…yup, you guessed it…”stuff”.
When in doubt, ask someone for help! Sometimes it is far easier for someone else to decide which of our belongings are necessary and which are not. A friend will not be so closely “attached” or “sentimental” about our possessions, so asking for constructive input can be very helpful in resolving clutter chaos.

All of these principles can be applied not only to objects occupying our physical space, but also to those intangible elements that take up space in our thoughts and our schedules. Just as we should be aware of clutter in our environment, we need to be mindful of piles accumulating in our minds and in the hours allotted to us in our day. Free space for creative imagination and forward dreaming is critical to our success as human beings, business people, parents, friends, siblings, and neighbors…we simply must have available areas for thoughts and plans to develop.

Jumbled schedules, commonly known as “flying by the seat of our pants”, can lead us to scattered thought processes and unproductive wheel-spinning. On the other hand, trying to adhere to a rigid schedule that allows no flexibility increases stress and also reduces productivity.

What’s the answer?

Be realistic about what you can truly expect to accomplish in a given period of time, and allow yourself a buffer zone for the unexpected. Delegate or re-schedule activities that can wait, and focus on the more pressing items first. This keeps your mind relaxed and able to focus on the task at hand, while also making room for those “Eureka moments”, those flares of creative inspiration that tend to occur most often when our thoughts have a little energy left to run on their own. (For more details on priorities and effective time management, read “Bicycle races and time management”.)

To wrap up this discussion in a neat and tidy box, remember that “a wise man will avoid all extremes”. Clutter and chaos in our lives can hinder us from living a life of success and inward peace, while excessive persnickitiness about perfect alignment of our silverware in its drawer will drive us insane in the end. Finding the balance can be a challenge, but the results are amazing, invigorating, and liberating.

Best wishes, and please share how you keep yourself free of clutter!

From the mouths of dogs and horses...

2011-05-25T08:49:00.000-07:00

Someone very dear to me recently said he was thinking of starting a blog. Of course, I became very excited and had all sorts of ideas, because blogs are right up my alley! Then I listened to what he was really saying...he was thinking of starting a blog that would be written from Blackie's perspective. Blackie's wisdom amassed through the years, the way Blackie would see things and how she might change the world. The odd thing is...Blackie is a dog.

My friend also has extensive experience raising horses, and has such an obvious love for these stately animals that it is a joy to listen to him talk about the years he has spent with them. It is interesting to me the way he so easily understands a horse's emotions, their fears or hesitations, the driving forces behind their innate behaviors, what makes them tick. Why will some horses run right through a fence, while others are content to graze and enjoy the sun inside an enclosed pasture...why will some horses affectionately nuzzle your neck and nicker, while others will just as quick spin and throw a kick that could remove your head from your shoulders in one clean blow? My friend just knows...he knows the heart of a horse and he sees value in the thoughts of a sweet little dog.

Some people are just like that...perceptive. They seem to pay attention to the world around themselves more than the rest of us, catching details that most of us miss and realizing the importance of small things. I want to be more like that. It seems to me that most horses, unless you hurt them first or give them some reason to not trust you, will usually choose your friendship. Most dogs are the same way...loyal, affectionate, always seeking a way to please the one on whom their faithfulness rests. Perhaps my friend learned these traits from the four-legged folks he has treasured through the years. Maybe his long walks with Blackie embedded patience and kindness into his heart and left it there to grow until it spilled over to other people. Long nights attending the arrival of a new foal may have shown him the committed care of a parent for her offspring and developed an unshakable respect for the miracle that life truly is. With all of his education and valuable training, perhaps the most beautiful traits in his character were born of the wisdom of these creatures penetrating his being and sharing their positive instinctual elements with his own genetic code.

In light of all this, I guess I really shouldn't be surprised that the idea of writing a blog from Blackie's viewpoint crossed my friend's mind. Think about it: If we could hear the thoughts and perceptions of a being who sees the world every day through eyes that are not jaded with cynicism, not pre-programmed to defensiveness, who has no idea what sarcasm even is, who is genetically wired to give their all in support of the ones they love...if we could listen to the advice of such an entity, what might we learn? I also should not be startled when my friend relates examples of horse behavior to everyday situations we all face. How humbling to realize that a creature with no power of forming verbal words, who cannot put pen to paper to leave a legacy of phrases for future generations, can teach me so many things that I do not know.

I guess I'll just look forward to hearing what my friend...er...um...what Blackie says next.

Bicycle Races and Time Management

2011-05-24T21:44:00.000-07:00

Spinning your wheels is a great idea if you are in a bicycle race. But when those spinning wheels take precious time out of our day, we feel robbed and ineffective…and rightly so.

A dear friend of mine had an exceedingly frustrating experience this morning. He was working on a proposal for a new client, and had assembled a quantity of necessary information provided to him by his business partner. He spent a great deal of time crunching the numbers, listing the cost of products and labor required for the project, and finalizing a professional presentation for the client. At the last minute, realizing that he could include a couple more pieces of information in order to make the proposal even more comprehensive, he made a few calls…only to discover that his entire proposal was inaccurate by quite a large sum. The problem was that he had counted on the information provided by his partner to be accurate, but it was not. In the end he had to research the project data himself, revise the cost estimates, and completely re-write the presentation.

Do you hear that tell-tale whirrrrrrrring sound? That is the distinctive sound of tires spinning. My friend heard it this morning as he realized that the hours of work spent on his original proposal were for naught, that his new client’s proposal had to be re-done from scratch. It’s not a pleasant sound. The odd thing is, his partner’s day went on as if all was as it should be; he did not realize the valuable time his lack of attention to detail had stolen from my friend.

Now, spinning your own wheels and having someone else spin them for you can be two different problems. But in both cases there are clear opportunities for solutions to this two-wheeled dilemma that so easily takes us off-road:

Basic time management demands that we account for our time, how we spend it, and whether that expenditure is actually beneficial to our business. Activities that very strongly affect daily business success (I call these “high-return endeavors”) are simply more crucial than activities that will make little difference even if they are ignored for a time (I call these “low-return endeavors”). Becoming mindful of “where the time goes” helps us to identify areas where we may be using time unwisely or spending it on low-return endeavors that could be set aside in favor of high-return endeavors. This is particularly important for the entrepreneur who faces a multitude of various daily tasks all aimed at increasing or promoting their business.
Planning our necessary activities, with sufficient time allotted in order to allow for the successful completion of each one, gives us a “blueprint” from which to work. When we feel distracted or lose our focus, we remind ourselves to simply “stick to the plan” and get back on track. Keeping a datebook and making lists are helpful tools.
Prioritizing our tasks assists us in focusing on “first things first”. The most important tasks of the day are given priority over less critical tasks that can wait until another time without negative repercussions.
Schedules, appointments, and deadlines are noted and provided with a cushion of time to ensure they are adhered to. If a project absolutely must be completed by a certain date, perhaps we schedule ourselves to complete it the day before…just in case we end up needing extra time for those finishing touches. Plan to be early for appointments, and even if you encounter unexpected traffic or other delays, you have a good chance of still being right on time.
Avoid over-committing! Commonly referred to as the “Superman complex”, the habit of over-committing leads to taking on more than we can handle and sets us up for almost certain disappointment. We do not have to leap tall buildings in a single bound when just getting through the stack of paperwork on our desk will suffice. There is a lot to do when running a business…but we cannot do it all at one time. This is a great time to review #3 if over-committing is a problem for you. Leave the cape and tights at home, there is no bonus pay for Super-Heroes at the office!
Learn to delegate. We absolutely cannot afford to nurture the attitude that says “if I want this done right, I have to do it myself”. We simply cannot do everything ourselves, and it is sound business practice to share the load when you have others working with you who can shoulder some of the weight.
Respect your time…and everyone else’s. As we apply these principles to managing our own time, we can develop sensitivity to those around us as well. Their time is as precious as ours, and no one enjoys being treated as though their time is of no value.

I’m sure my friend would have appreciated his partner taking the time to check his information for accuracy before asking him to compile a proposal based on that exact data. Time lost cannot be retrieved and business relationships are often hindered by a seeming lack of respect shown for other people’s resource of precious time.

Our “Time Account” and it’s checkbook:

Think of the hours and minutes in your day as a sort of checking account, one that holds the balance of time allotted to you for that day. You can spend that time in any way you choose, but you must spend it all by day’s end…there is no such thing as a savings account for time. Others may try to dip into that checking account on your behalf, either with or without your permission. You have the choice of allowing them some of your time, or closing your checkbook until they explain to your satisfaction the exact purpose of the withdrawal they are requesting. No matter what, if someone uses a portion of your time foolishly, you may very well feel as though you have been robbed…and rightly so.

Bear in mind that everyone else also has this same checkbook full of a day’s worth of time, and you do not want to be the inconsiderate thief who steals their resources, just as you do not want them to steal yours.

At the end of the day, assess the activities of your day and decide if there is anything left over that was not completed as planned. If so, that item should be at or near the top of your list of things to do tomorrow. Congratulate yourself on the tasks you did complete, and remember that tomorrow you will have a fresh start. With a little practice, you will lie down to sleep in peace and quiet…without the sound of spinning tires to bother you.

The Fine Art of Communication...Part 2

2011-05-24T15:58:00.000-07:00

Part 2: Floors are not just for standing on!

Resources abound that teach us effective ways to speak. Seminars, books, and online study groups thrive, with the objective of helping entrepreneurs to effectively convey information, whether to a large audience or to an individual. These resources are immensely helpful, enabling us to effectively transfer ideas, dreams, and the passion that drives us, in the hopes of enriching and empowering others in their own pursuits. Effective speaking is indeed a valuable skill, but so is its reciprocal: skilled listening. Either one without the other is about as useful as a glove with no hand inside.

The skill of listening intently has become something of a lost art, which is accounted for by several factors. This list is by no means exhaustive, but provides definite food for thought:

The bombardment of our senses by a plethora of modern inventions, interruptions, and inbound information can easily put us into “overload”, making it difficult to focus our attention.
A general sense of “being behind”, which causes us to feel stress over the amount of time specific tasks or situations demand, elicits pressure to accomplish more in less time, with fewer resources.
Basic human pride enters the picture at times when we assume that what someone else has to say is just not important enough for us to take the time to hear. This is a sad commentary on our view of humanity in general.
The very real demands of daily life do take a great deal of time, stretching our energy and patience, sometimes to the breaking point.
Simple things such as a high intake of caffeine and/or insufficient sleep can make it difficult to pay attention when someone else is speaking. Adrenaline overload and fatigue are enemies to effective entrepreneurship.
“Multi-tasking”, though considered by many to be an enviable skill that enables an individual to perform several tasks simultaneously, may actually result in very few of those tasks being accomplished well…especially if one of those tasks is to listen attentively to someone who is speaking.

Clearly, there are numerous obstacles to effective listening already arrayed against us in the form of ordinary distractions inherent to our modern lives. An activity that should come naturally instead requires a concerted effort. This might be a simple task if two people are standing alone in the deep woods with no telephones, computers, doorbells, or car alarms to intrude with jarring distractions. But the fact is, we function in a society where such intrusions exist, so we must learn to be proficient listeners even in the midst of chaos. Offering a speaker our full attention and intently absorbing their words, whether in a large conference setting or in a one-on-one conversation, affirms the value of what they share and allows us to participate in their experience. How can we do this more successfully?

First, a bit of humility is in order. Standing back and taking a realistic view of ourselves should help remove any pedestal upon which we may have unrealistically placed ourselves, and allow us a minute or two to brush off the dirt resulting from our tumble. In short, we need to realize that though we may be highly educated and experienced in our field, we can still learn much from an encounter with another person. The most learned scholar might never have memorized the exact same line in a classic poem as one of his own students, and even the most highly skilled surgeon may benefit from the intuitive insight of a medical intern half his age. We are all life’s pupils on this big blue ball, and it would be to our credit to remember that not one of us has the corner on the market where knowledge and understanding are concerned.

Second, we must realize that someone “has the floor”…and it’s the other guy! That seems simple enough, right? It’s just not our turn to speak! The phrase “having the floor” is addressed in Robert’s Rules of Order, which were formalized in 1915 and govern parliamentary procedure in the U.S. to this day. The phrase is summarized: “Obtain the floor (the right to speak) by being the first to stand when the person speaking has finished; state Mr./Madam Chairman. Raising your hand means nothing, and standing while another has the floor is out of order!” So, “having the floor” means that the speaker has the right to speak without interruption from persons listening, and that said speaker retains that right until purposely relinquishing it or until the designated time limit for speaking has been reached. A popular tool used by family counselors is that of the “speaker/listener” method, wherein a couple or a family chooses an object to represent “having the floor”, and as long as the person doing the speaking holds that item, they are not to be interrupted. This method is very useful when individuals are having difficulty communicating effectively, or when arguments are common. The basic practice goes something like this:

One person “has the floor”, and thus holds in their hand the designated object signifying that they are the speaker.
The speaker shares in short portions what they would like to communicate.
The listener(s) repeat back what the speaker said, in their own words but adhering as closely to the speaker’s intent as they are able to understand, in order to be certain that they heard the speaker correctly.
If the listener(s) heard the speaker correctly, the speaker goes on with the next small portion of their sharing, but if the listener(s) did not accurately perceive the speaker’s previous point, the speaker should re-phrase what they said so that the listener(s) come to grasp their meaning.
This goes on until the speaker is finished, at which time he/she hands the object to the listener who then “has the floor” to share what they want to say.
At any point, a listener may respectfully ask for clarification, or simply say “I don’t understand, could you re-phrase that?”, but they must save any of their own statements or comments for the time when they “have the floor”.
This process goes back and forth with each individual having opportunity to share, without interruption, and with relative certainty that the other individual(s) involved will gain a firm understanding of the point(s) they meant to convey.

You might be thinking this is an extreme length to go to for a conversation. But in situations where perhaps communication has broken down or disagreements are frequent, it is a valuable tool for opening lines of dialogue and encouraging active listening. In this setting, passively allowing what a speaker says to travel into one ear, through the grey matter, and out the other side of the skull will not suffice because the listener has to actually re-iterate what the speaker said in order to ensure understanding. The listener must engage their brain and focus on not only the words the speaker utters, but must assimilate the speaker’s intent.

One of the most common pitfalls in communication is that of racing ahead in our minds. We might be intently watching the person speaking, occasionally even nodding our head in assent to an idea, all the while we are already plunging ahead to organize what we will say in rebuttal to, or even in agreement with their statements. Guess what folks; the human brain just doesn’t work that way. When our brain is occupied with planning a response, we are no longer taking in information but have ceased listening altogether. It is crucial that we focus our energy when it is time to listen, remembering that at such times someone else “has the floor”… and it is not us.

Lastly, we must recognize the importance of effective listening. American culture typically does not hold in high regard the qualities of meekness or quiet observance to the same degree that we honor eloquent speech and confidence before an audience. Consider the way doctors honor the work of nurses, builders respect the talent of interior designers, and astronauts recognize that part of their own safety stems from the skill of technicians who construct the space shuttle. They are all parts of a successful venture, each doing their part. As business people, we must assume the responsibilities not only to communicate clearly to others, but to willingly assume the role of listener not only because it is unavoidable at times, but because listening well is a vital skill that honors the individual who is speaking and allows for a valuable exchange of ideas.

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” ~Winston Churchill

The Fine Art of Communication...Part 1

2011-05-24T15:22:00.000-07:00

Part 1: Turn it “UP”!

In today’s world of fax machines, high-speed internet, cell phones, and just about every conceivable method of conveying information at the touch of a finger, effective verbal conversations often seem to have gone the way of the dinosaur. Rather than setting aside time for a face-to-face discussion, we prefer to send a blanket email to our entire office in order to avoid having to repeat ourselves, or we offer up a meager five minute time slot to an employee or colleague who asks to discuss a situation. We have become a society of sound bites, text messages, and “tweets”, short interactions that relegate our conversations to the safety zone of shallow, impersonal exchanges. But while these tools are designed to increase our productivity by enabling us to share more data more quickly, we may be paying a higher price than we realize for the privilege.

Many of us have seen the cartoon where a wife is sitting in her living room while her husband mixes up a cup of morning coffee in the adjacent kitchen…while she sends him a text message from her cell phone that says, “Good morning”. We chuckle at this prospect, seemingly ridiculous as it is, but there is an element of truth in this comic scene that we dare not ignore. That is the element of “de-personalized communication”.

What is de-personalized communication? In a nutshell, it is communication that is sterile, impersonal, designed to be carried swiftly to the recipient but having no one-on-one connection. Referring back to the example above, it is the difference between the husband reading the words “Good morning” in plain printed text on a cell phone screen, and hearing those same words in the familiar, endearing voice of his wife. This may seem like splitting hairs, but consider a few important differences between text and voice communication:

A live voice carries inflections of emotion…printed text is devoid of any emotional affectation.
A live voice can be reassuring in its familiarity…printed text could arise from anywhere, thus familiarity is absent.
Taking the time to actually speak with someone establishes the initiator’s priorities…a printed message can leave the recipient feeling as though they are not a high priority.
Perhaps most importantly, face to face interaction opens the possibility of a dialogue…printed communications are one-sided and do not necessarily invite feedback or interaction.

Moving this example from the comments between spouses to the interactions between colleagues, we see similarities that can help us to communicate more effectively and reduce stress in the workplace caused by lost memos and accidentally deleted text messages. Of course, technology is a blessing when it is used to our benefit, but when overused it becomes as deadly to professional enthusiasm as sugar is to a diabetic. Some information is actually communicated more effectively through some form of print/text media, as is the case with business-related data, schedules, financial information, etc. But interpersonal issues that occur in just about every business are exactly that: issues between two or more persons…not two or more computer screens, memo pads, or blog posts. Essentially, as entrepreneurs, we must purposely develop the daily habit of seeing others as individualsand relating to them as such in positive tones. Let’s explore a couple of specific methods for practicing the art of positive communication, because the benefits of cultivating this skill are well worth the effort!

Turn it UP!

This concept I simply refer to as “UP”. “UP” is an anachronism for “Unmitigated Positiveness”. I’ll be blunt here. I don’t care who you are, where you live, what challenges you are facing, or what kind of business you’re in, every single day there is something positive that you can speak! Work may be hard to find, clients may be slow to pay, colleagues may seem unreliable, bills may be piling on your desk, but there is still something positive to be spoken. It’s a re-working of the classic “is the glass half empty or half full” question. For example: You arrive at your office, pour yourself a cup of coffee, and realize that the sugar dispenser is empty. So much for that perfect cup-o-joe you were dreaming of! Now you have two choices: you can either walk to the corner store for some sugar, or you can drink your coffee without it. There are complaint possibilities written all over this scenario because let’s face it; messing up a person’s first morning cup of coffee can be tantamount to running over your cat on your way out of the garage! But employing the “UP” principle, we are stuck withUnmitigated Positiveness”…so instead of complaining and setting the tone of your day to be negative and irritable, you can choose to say “Well, it is a beautiful morning for a quick walk to the store”, or “It would be healthy to cut back on my sugar intake anyway”, depending on which option you choose to pursue. But it gets better!

“UP” also stands for “Unlimited Possibilities”. Let’s continue using the coffee example, with you now on your way through the fresh morning breezes toward the nearest grocery market. You are energized by the cool air, your spirits are lifted by the bustling activity of local businesses opening for the day, and just when it couldn’t get any better, sugar happens to be on sale and there is only one person ahead of you in the checkout line. While waiting your turn, you can’t help but overhear the customer in front of you chatting with the store employee about his current search for a particular professional service…one that happens to be the exact service in which your own company specializes! On your way out the door you introduce yourself, exchange business cards, and chat briefly about this new acquaintance’s current project. After bidding each other farewell, you return to your office with not only your box of sugar, but also the possibility (catch that word “Possibility”?) of a new client. Now, obviously this is a fabricated scenario and not every circumstance yields the potential for new business…but some do. Remember, this is “Unlimited Possibilities”, not “absolute guarantees”. So, how does this relate to communicating positively? Here comes the jewel in the crown!

In the workplace, the common cold is not the only thing that is contagious. Outlooks, attitudes, and demeanors are just as infectious. If you want your colleagues and employees to be dour, irritable, and resistant to challenges, all you have to do is inject a grain of negativity into the environment. Not much, just a tiny bit will do because negativity multiplies like warts on a frog and pretty soon everyone is singing “Gloom, despair, and agony on me” in three part harmony. BUT, inject the same amount of “UP” into the day and see what happens. People feed off of the energy of those around them, so dole out copious amounts of UnmitigatedPositiveness and Unlimited Possibilities! Talk to those you interact with, and choose to use uplifting phrases and energizing terms. Instead of saying “We have to get this unhappy client to quit complaining…”, try saying “Let’s find the best solution to give this client confidence in our service”. Seems pretty trite, you say? Just try it. If nothing else, people tend to notice, even on a sub-conscious level, when someone purposely avoids negativity and pursues positive speech. Actually, positive speech tends to draw others to you much like a magnet because it touches the human need for affirmation and hope for a successful future.

To wrap up, let’s re-visit that concept of “de-personalized speech” and all those painfully sterile text messages, etc. As you pursue employing the “UP” principle, you will see how nearly impossible it is to remain “distant” in your communications from those around you. You will actually want to converse verbally simply because you have something helpful to say and you want your colleagues and clients to hear it directly from you! Remember, positive attitudes are just as contagious as their negative counterparts, leading to the habit of encouraging, uplifting, and productivity-producing words rolling off your tongue! So save the data transfer communications for just that: conveyance of facts and technical details. But when the opportunity exists for a personal exchange of real human voices, seize the moment and choose your words to build up the person with whom you are speaking. On a personal and professional level, both the speaker and the listener will be empowered.

The possibilities that positive communication can bring to your workplace are…well, unlimited!

Can I say that?

2011-05-24T14:33:00.000-07:00

Your mouth goes dry. Your knees feel weak and squishy. There is a dull drumming forming somewhere in your own head and keeping time against your eardrums. The sweat slicking your palms soaks the paper in your hand, causing you sincere concern that you could electrocute yourself simply by touching any small appliance plugged into an electrical outlet. Your heart thunders in your chest, raspy breaths wheeze from your chest in irregular patterns, and the lights around you seem dizzyingly bright.

No, you are neither a brain surgeon attempting a life-saving procedure on a patient, nor an astronaut embarking on a seven year trip through the far reaches of space. You are a technology whiz at your company, accustomed to fact-finding and data-crunching behind your computer screen…and you are scheduled to make a presentation to your co-workers, investors, an assortment of fifty or so individuals who just happen to think that what your company does is interesting, and a few hundred of all those individual’s closest colleagues. Not an audience to rival the Metropolitan Opera, but the thought of standing in front of all those people to speak has you literally on the verge of an aneurism.

Speaking before a large group does not have to be this terrifying sort of experience. By following several simple steps, you can make your next speaking opportunity not only tolerable, but downright enjoyable. Break out those notecards and let’s get to it!

1. Be prepared. This sounds simplistic, but the truth is that the better prepared you are, the less you have to fear. So do your research, be organized, and know your material. Preparation should also include having a bottle of water available… talking does make one thirsty, and having to interrupt yourself to ask someone for water may appear unprofessional.

2. Practice your main points. Unless you are speaking to a roomful of children, your audience will probably not enjoy your reading to them. Know your main points and the general material covered under each so that your speech carries a conversational tone, even when discussing highly technical information.

3. Allow your personality to emerge. The impression you leave with your listeners depends not only on the information you present, but the experience of receiving that information from you. Be a real person, not a robot. You are not a computer spewing a data sheet from your printer output tray; you are a human being conveying ideas.

4. Stay on track. Straying too far into illustrations and unnecessary facts can confuse and overwhelm your audience.

5. Consider using printed handouts covering the most critical information you plan to share, so that your listeners have opportunity to mentally review your presentation later without distraction. Make sure they cover the key points of your lecture as well as including your contact information…business cards are easily misplaced.

6. Use visuals judiciously when necessary to convey information. Avoid overly splashy, graphic intense material that distracts from the core of your presentation. You accomplish nothing if your listeners remember the multi-colored, flashing border surrounding your illustrations but cannot recall the heart of the ideas you spoke about so passionately.

7. Remember to re-cap! Very briefly remind your listeners of the important points you want most for them to carry with them in their minds, and then close your talk on a positive note.

8. Lastly, RELAX. If you can speak to one person, you can speak to one hundred…or one thousand. You need not run from the stage in terror or be reduced to a stammering blob of protoplasm behind a microphone. Take deep breaths, trust yourself to be in this place at this time, and to speak what you need to say.

With a little forethought and a bit of practice, speaking to a group becomes an opportunity to share your ideas and motivate others without causing yourself undue stress. The average woman speaks in the neighborhood of 25,000 words per day, the average man speaks 12,000 to 15,000. Speaking any portion of those words to a specific group of individuals can be a rewarding growth experience, not to mention a boost to your business or current project!

Yes, you can “say that”!

The Pitfalls of Perfectionism

2011-05-24T14:12:00.000-07:00

Do any of these descriptions apply to you?

You are extremely competitive and can’t stop thinking about mistakes you have made.
You want to either finish a task completely or not do it at all.
You demand perfection from other people and frequently point out other people’s mistakes.
You are self-conscious about making mistakes in front of people, and you hesitate to ask for help.
You persist in finishing a task without stopping, even when there is no deadline requiring you to do so.

Most of us consider perfectionism to be a positive term, or at least a moderately beneficial idea. We associate it with the concepts of hard work, aggressive determination, or a desire to produce something…well, perfect. Quality is the point we are after, superior skill, excellent production, absolutely the best outcome in the pursuit of a goal. But perfectionism has a dark side, one that can cripple the individual who embraces it and bring their effectiveness to a grinding halt.

“Perfectionism” as defined by Webster is this: “a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable”. Still sounds pretty good, right? On the surface this sounds like the most excellent disposition for an entrepreneur, doesn’t it? But lurking beneath the surface is a sinister energy that will steal the productivity and render ineffective the efforts of the most honest, hard-working businessperson.

If this is how you feel about work...
You are taking things too seriously!

When an individual works under the assumption that nothing short of a perfect outcome is acceptable, they set themselves up for frustration because only rarely will such an outcome be attainable. While high and lofty goals may cause the average person to strive with greater effort, a goal dictating that “nothing less than perfect will do” negates the possibility that a lesser outcome may actually be not only acceptable but preferable in some situations. For example: If you are an author writing a piece describing the life of inner-city children growing up exposed to violence, drug use, and poverty, you may wish to employ some colorful language, or colloquial phrases to illustrate your points from those children’s Perspective. As you begin the final editing of your thought-provoking literary work, your grammar checker goes crazy and points out error after error in your sentence structure. Now, if you choose the path of perfection in your English language format, your piece is about to lose a great deal of the “punch” that it had as an expose’ of the traumatic life experiences you attempt to describe.Your only other option is to ignore the grammar correction prompts and allow your words to flow onto the paper with each and every imperfection intact, driving home the full emotional impact you had hoped to convey to your readers. In other words, the imperfections in the piece add weight to your words and imbue the images you describe with a life and power that will invoke a response in your readers. In this case, perfection would sanitize the writing and render your descriptions impotent and emotionally void.

Understandably, it could be argued that although perfectionism may be a negative concept when applied to creative pursuits, in the world of absolutes it is more beneficial than hurtful. For example:

An accountant must be accurate to a degree approaching perfection.
A surgeon must not accept errors in their work.
An air-traffic-controller dares not suggest that mistakes on his part are inconsequential.

There are professions wherein the margin for error must be so small that it approaches perfection, or disaster would be the definite result. But still there is a balance involved, a finely tuned orchestra of high and low notes that combine to enable those in such professions to sing their song without destroying their own voice. For instance:

The accountant may boast that they have never had to endure an audit because their records are so impeccably well-documented.
The surgeon may take extreme care to be rested and knowledgeable so that he rarely encounters a case he cannot successfully treat.
The air-traffic-controller might have a keen eye for detail coupled with calm decision-making, so that he encounters not one dangerous incident in an entire career.

But is there a balance to these seemingly perfect performances? What do their desks look like? Are they bothered if few tiny lint bunnies propagate in the corners until they feel inclined to vacuum?These are the vital balances that enable those in “necessarily perfectionistic” roles to function in a healthy manner.

Life is all about balance...

The universe is built on balance. Newton’s third law of motion states: “To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”. This can be applied to our perfectionistic tendencies. If your work demands that you have little to no margin for error, then at some other place in your life there must be the opportunity for blatant imperfection to be acceptable. Our accountant needs to be permitted to leave the mail in a messy pile on their desk without criticism. Our surgeon needs to be allowed to leave the magazines on their coffee table at home in a state of disarray. Our air-traffic-controller needs to be permitted to leave their cereal bowl in the sink without having a guilt complex about a messy kitchen. Why?Because these seemingly small things are the balancing factors to their otherwise perfection-demanding workplace. Perhaps these three individuals will choose something else as their “let it be less than perfect” aspect of life, but they will all, consciously or unconsciously, find or at least try to find such an outlet.

So what about the majority of us who do not live and move in quite such demanding daily environments? I know that my own work is very important, and I do strive for excellence. Most of the individuals that I know strive daily to do their best to deliver a quality product, or to perform a service as well or better than their industry competitors. This is admirable, though still in need of balance in order to be healthy.

My best example of personal perfectionism in myself has to do with the simple task of laundry. I might look at a full laundry basket and decide that I have time to wash and dry those clothes, but not to then iron, fold, and put them away. If I decide it is not worth washing and drying them because the rest of the task will have to wait, I am acting with perfectionism...getting halfway through the task is unacceptable, only completing the whole task from start to finish will do. As a result, I don’t even begin the task and I accomplish nothing. How is it advantageous to accomplish nothing, rather than at least finishing part of the task? Quite obviously, it is not advantageous and I have done nothing more than increase the workload I will have to bear at a later time.

In the workplace, I encounter this mentality on a daily basis. If I foresee that building a new PowerPoint presentation for a client will take twelve hours but I only have three hours available at the present time, I could choose to put off the project until I have twelve straight hours to work on that presentation. In all honesty that is not likely to happen, so I set myself up for failure before I even begin. Now, I could choose to begin the project, complete as much as I am able to in the time I have available, and come back to it at a later time when I can give more energy to it. I can repeat this process as many times as necessary until the project is completed without ever beating myself up over the fact that I didn’t sit down and complete the entire task all at once.

Again, it is the balance of doing what I am able to do the very best that I am able, without adding pressure and guilt to myself by placing an unattainable goal of absolute perfection on my shoulders.

What does this mean to the entrepreneur? As a whole, entrepreneurs tend to be driven, goal-oriented, “master of their own destiny” types of individuals. They like to call their own shots, make their own opportunities, and chart their own course.Unfortunately, the pitfall of perfectionism looms hidden and deadly in the paths of those who intensely forge ahead with single-minded determination. We need to recognize when we truly must reach for the prize of zero errors and landing our dart in the center of the bull’s-eye. Sometimes such accuracy is necessary and earns us success, while at other times it is a stress-inducing standard that accomplishes nothing but to designate smaller accomplishments or partially-finished projects as failures.“Doing our best” and “being a perfectionist” is not the same thing, and recognizing the difference can save us much discouragement. As entrepreneurs, we owe it to ourselves to be the best that we can be, and at the same time to recognize when what we are and what we are doing are enough.

Feelings are nouns...

2011-05-23T21:37:00.000-07:00

Ever heard someone say "I am so happy!", or "I am so disappointed". How many times have you yourself said "I'm angry", or "I'm depressed", or any other emotion ranging from happiness to sadness and every degree in between? These are common statements that most people don't think much about. But in all honesty, they are extremely inaccurate.

You see, we are not defined by the emotions that we experience, and we must remember that emotions are nouns...they are a "thing" though an intangible one. It would be far more accurate to say "I feel sad", or "I feel happy". Let's explore the difference between emotions as objects versus emotions as states of being.

I am a Caucasian female. I am fair skinned, and my gender is unchangeable. These two traits, among other permanent factors, contribute to my basic identity by defining who I am. In contrast, my emotions are not permanent and are not part of my identity. The trick is to remember that when those emotions seem to run rough-shod over me, or when I feel lost in the intensity of certain feelings, whether they are positive or negative. There is immense power in the spoken word, so care should be exercised when we choose how we describe ourselves. If I frequently say that I am sad, I should not be surprised when I truly do develop a melancholy demeanor because I am speaking sadness into my identity. Much better would be to say that I feel sad...acknowledging the truth of how I feel, yet still maintaining that emotion's separateness from my basic identity.

Imagine reaching with your hand straight into your core, grasping the emotion in question, holding it up in front of your eyes and studying it from all angles. Observing its details, moving it from hand to hand, one can then choose what to do with it: replace it inside of oneself, or set it down elsewhere and walk away from it. This is the beautiful thing about emotions, our ability as humans to focus our attention on emotions that help us while setting aside those that hinder us. Does this mean that we can easily turn our feelings on and off like changing the channel on a television? Of course not. A well-known saying reminds us that "the heart cannot help whom it loves". But while we may find it difficult to turn our attention away from a person our heart seems intent on adoring, we can choose the level of affection we embrace, as well as the course of action to which those emotions lead us.

So, today when we feel...sad? Happy? Content? Depressed? Or any other blend of human emotional sensation, let us recall that emotions are nouns...we can control them, they do not have the privilege of ruling us.

I welcome your thoughts!

*This morning chat was inspired by Megan...a dear friend whose wisdom far surpasses her young age, and whose heart blesses so many. You are never forgotten, Meg!

Being available as a friend

2011-05-20T10:53:00.000-07:00

Here we are for the first of our morning chats...

Ever think about how wonderful it is to meet a friend for coffee, tea, or even a glass of milk and just sit and talk? Or sit and be quiet? Just visiting and sharing the sunshine...or the rain. That is what I have in mind for these morning chats. Hopefully they will become a daily occurrence, but knowing myself I suspect there may be gaps here and there. Please bear with me as we get this ball rolling!

Friday May 20, 2011

Have you ever noticed how some people seem to have difficulty with "being available"? I myself struggle with this at times, though I would love to be known as a friend who will always be there when someone rings my phone with a pressing need. But are we truly available? And when does that availability translate into being a doormat? Obviously one cannot be expected to constantly be putting out everyone else's fires...but on the other hand, a true friend will be available, as much as possible, when another friend has need of their attention.

Now, we aren't necessarily talking about life-threatening disasters. Perhaps my phone rings one evening and it happens to be someone I care about battling a horrible, allergy-induced headache. I might offer up a shoulder massage and facial rub to relieve the pain my friend is experiencing. Certainly that is not too much to ask of myself, is it? I would think it a reasonable offering to someone I call a friend, especially a friend who is in pain.

The question is, what will happen when the tables turn and I am the one who needs a buddy to lean on a little? Will that same friend be there to offer some kind of support? Perhaps I just had an intensely stressful day at work, or received some sort of bad news...will that friend take the time to be supportive of me just as I did for them? While I would definitely hope so, I also have to accept that human beings are not all wired the same...not everyone is going to think to take time out of their plans or schedules to be available for someone going through a rough patch. It is not a slam on their character, but it is the truth.

The next question would be whether or not I am willing to remain in a close relationship with someone who tends to act and respond in a somewhat one-sided manner. These types of people are often labeled "emotionally unavailable" because they do not commonly deviate from their plans in order to be sensitive to someone else's needs...no matter what, their agenda is adhered to and anything else, even the needs of a friend, are addressed as those other time constraints allow. While some people might see this as very backward thinking (I am among those), it is simply the way some people view the world and their place in it. It is not right or wrong...it just IS.

So what now? Do we sever relationships with people who are like this and limit ourselves to friendships only with people who think as we do? Do we hand out some sort of questionnaire to new contacts to see where they fit in this whole scenario before committing our own emotional energy to that person in any way? Or can we see that by the time we figure out that someone is wired this way, we will have already invested ourselves in the friendship and it is too late to cut our losses and bail out?

Loving people can be difficult...loving people who seem to give back less to us than we give to them is even more difficult. It's that whole "iron sharpening iron" concept...the rough spots on someone else tend to be the very things that polish our own rough edges smooth.

Tough call, being a committed friend but not a doormat. I welcome your thoughts and comments.

Sonny Update Monday May 2, 2011

2011-05-02T12:49:00.000-07:00

Haven't put a note in here for a while and I do apologize. It just seems like something is always going on.

Sonny is doing great again, still progressing in baby steps but progressing. The wheelchair people were there on Friday to get his headrest set up correctly. It was really good for a while until someone bent it out of shape again. Lorrie got it set right again yesterday and showed the CNA how to move it to get Sonny in and out of the chair. He promised top tell whoever came on the next shift so hopefully it trickled down and they can all position him correctly. I didn't realize how much it bothered him to not be able to see straight out until he could and just smiled and smiled.

Sonny with his Native drum
before his accident occurred.

He is also having a wonderful time with the TV remote. Lorrie wrote numbers on his sketch pad and asked him where they were on the remote. He was 100% correct so he isn't doing this randomly. We had a care conference on Friday also and they are going to put his lap tray on for all meals now. He can reach his food that way and really likes to do it himself. Kind of messy since he doesn't handle silverware very well. But oh well. He is trying to drink himself too.

We are going to expand his "Go Talk" with pictures so we are looking for family and friend pictures that will fit.

Angela - Lorrie said you were there yesterday. I'm sorry I missed seeing you but thank you for going. We will probably be bringing him home next weekend, not sure which day.

Take care everyone

Loretta (Sonny's Mom)

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sonnyperencevic

For Kayla...

2011-04-28T07:42:00.000-07:00

My friend shared this beautiful poem with me that he wrote for his lovely daughter...

I thought there might be a few lil things you art to know

The love I have for you will always grow

Everyday you are in my thoughts

Everyday you should think on the things I taught

Somedays will be harder than others

Some nights will last forever

The love a father has for his daughter

The times he is not with her

And the days he does not kiss her

All the days that were

Now he sees her grow

And soon he will see her go

Away to be with someone else

He will be alone, left to himself

But all the times they had

Thinking of those days will make him sad

Now into a new world she steps

To make her mark on the world she must

The things he taught now he must trust

But still his love for her continues to grow

Even though she does not know.

Written by the elusive poet: Fatty

Once upon a time...part two

2011-04-04T12:21:00.000-07:00

In our previous fairy tale we read of the wounded pair...our story continues with the return of the King...

Softly, so gently, the voice she loved spoke through her ear straight to her heart. Or so it seemed, as hungry as she was for those loving echoes.

There were moments of bliss, explosions of tranquility that while a confusing dichotomy, felt like the most healing balm on torn skin. But those moments can never last. They are glimpses of perfection, never meant to be permanent because people simply aren't perfect...they both were the same wounded people they had always been...

...but in the King's eyes, his flaws were justified while hers were unforgivable. Somehow it never seemed that her efforts were enough, that he always had an answer that involved her taking all of the blame, no matter what the problem was that arose.

The weight of that burden stooped her shoulders, but she tried to carry it. Hiding, planning, always to try to give him what he wanted...always failing.

Until one day she fell.

She simply fell.

Unable to press onward, she let the burden roll from her back and lie there next to her in the mud where her tears mixed with the dirt beneath her.

He was once again off somewhere in the Kingdom, unavailable to the Lady he professed he would give his life for.

For one who claimed to be so in love, his release of her came so easily...her essence slid from his grasp with nary a trembling effort to hold on...

...and her heart crumbled to pieces on the breast of Mother Earth.

She awakened to suddenly realize she had drifted into an exhausted sleep. She had only limited strength left...she had to decide which elements of her life to carry with her on her journey onward: the heavy load still resting where it had fallen from her weary shoulders, or the pieces of her heart that might still have a chance to mend.

She thought a long time, for this Lady was deeply in love with her King...through the dark hours of night she considered her actions and the irreplaceable value of her own soul. Eventually the sun rose...

...and she gathered the pieces of her heart, carefully placed them in a soft flesh bag where they could gradually re-fuse. The process was painful, as torn tissue always hurts when it begins to heal...but the pieces were safely tucked in the flesh bag and soon became warm again.

She hoped her King's heart was warm.

She had no way to know.

His total absence was more deafening than the roar of the ocean.

She wondered if he realized the devastation such silence causes...

...she suspected he did not.

And she was sad...

And she walked on...

And the burden lay on the ground behind her as she turned her face to the light of the new morning...

...and she walked.

Once upon a time...part one

2011-04-04T11:54:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time in a land very near to where we now stand, there were two wounded people.

The wounded lady had been hurt deeply by someone she pledged to love forever, but she didn't want to give up on the dream of loving just that one person for the rest of her life.

The wounded man was full of love and life, and had searched for some time for the lady who would walk through his days with him, share his dreams, and grow old with him...but he had not found her.

One day, the wounded lady and the wounded man met. It was not love at first sight, rather a long-forming friendship that blossomed into a beautiful love that seemed like it could never be stopped. They wed, and life moved forward...but they were both still wounded, they just didn't know it.

A beautiful son was born to these two, and the joy he brought to their lives was indescribable. But the sweet boy left earth to reside with the angels one early morning, leaving his Mama and Daddy desolate and more wounded than ever.

Disaster struck.

Vengeance, Pride, and Superiority all met and conspired to destroy the wounded and grieving pair in order to make a famous name for themselves. The sad parents clung to their love, penned letters built on loss and despair, and hoped for a bright future...and hoped...and hoped.

Their battle eventually ended with the wicked Trio convincing the sweet boy's parents that they should just bow to their authority and live by their rules, which the couple did.

One day the Mama could not find her man...she looked high and low but he was nowhere to be seen. In his pain, he had run away and sought solace in oblivion...and her heart broke again.

She missed him, but she was so angry. How could he leave her this way when she was hurting, too? How could he add to her pain by giving her cause to worry and fear over his safety, when she was already battling demons in her own soul?

She said mean things to try to hurt him as she felt she had been hurt.

She tried to get him to let her know he was even all right.

She forced herself to say the dreaded words, "I'm finished...I'm leaving...goodbye".

And she cried.

And cried.

Tears he had been telling her she needed to shed now fell in cascades down her lonely face...but he would never see them.

He chose to stay away...he preferred his oblivion to staying at her side as he had promised.

She broke promises, too...she did not respect a man who made such choices, though she had long ago promised she would always respect and honor him.

Still he stayed away.

And her heart continued breaking.

Oblivion called her, too.

Called.

"Run", came the call...

Run...

Until you fall.

Alone.

The story ends here.

No shining clarity, no hero racing in to save the day.

Just two sad, wounded people.

Still grieving...

still alone...

and her still wondering what she did wrong to make him leave her in her pain.

The end.

Quote for the day...

2011-03-31T09:09:00.000-07:00

‎"So for you today, my friend, I simply hope that you will be able to have a moment of looking outward rather than inward, that you will see yourself in the context of the universe and realize that no matter how intense your struggles might be, you are no different than anyone else...and you are not alone with your struggles unless you choose to be."

You're done

2011-03-29T08:42:00.000-07:00

It’s pretty dark in here. I didn’t realize it would be so dark. It seemed pretty bright from the outside before I came in, but now the darkness is so thick I can’t see my hand in front of my face, let alone the door. Maybe I should just sit still and see if my eyes will adjust…

There! After being here for a little while, I can make out the dim shadows around me as I get used to trying to see in this pitch black. Obviously there are others who are NOT sitting down, because they keep bumping into me as I remain here in my own spot. Not that they are trying to be a nuisance, but they cannot see very well either and I think they don’t know that I am here until they collide with me as they walk by.

As I looked in here the other day, it sure seemed like there was a lot going on, lots to do, all kinds of excitement happening. Now that I am finally here I don’t understand why everything is so boring…dead, even. It doesn’t seem like anyone else is having all that great a time, either, so evidently I am not the only one who sees things a little differently from inside the door. Maybe someone else knows how to find the door, I’m sure there has to be at least one person here who has visited this place before and would remember, even in the dark, the way to get out…

…Oh my, THAT didn’t go very well. Now I feel stupid for asking anyone for help finding the doorway…I have been laughed at, punched in the face, and pushed rudely to the ground just because no one liked my asking questions about how to get out of here. They all seem content with this state of eclipse, so perhaps I should try to adapt and just learn to accept it. It seems that I will never find the door anyway, so I may as well adjust. Light is actually over-rated, I think, I could learn to cope just fine with the lack of it here.

Though, I have to admit I’m hungry…and thirsty. No one here seems to have anything they would be willing to share, and I have nothing left now to eat or drink. I tried calling an acquaintance to ask if he knew how to get here and possibly bring me a burger or something, maybe even help me to locate the doorway out of here, but the call is not being answered. I suppose he will tell me that he didn’t bother answering because I haven’t been answering any of his calls, either. Stupid guy. What does he expect? I’m supposed to be able to find my phone to answer it when I can’t even see anything? Oh wait…he will reply that I found it just fine when I was in need and wanted to ask for something. Hmmmm…damn condescending friends. He has done a million things wrong; I probably shouldn’t even talk to him anymore. HE is the one with the worse problems, so he better not criticize me. Forget it, I won’t bother.

Definitely pretty boring here. I guess if there was a television or something that would be fun. I could just sit here in the blackness and space off to sitcoms or something. I am beginning to think this fantastic spot isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and I really wish I could remember where the door is. But I’m so tired now, I just want to sleep…I don’t really have the energy to crawl around looking for an exit…

Well, sleep used up my whole day and now my eyes aren’t adjusted anymore and I can’t see a thing. I’m not tired anymore, and I am certainly not pleased with the amenities offered here considering how much I paid to be admitted! I’ll be going home completely broke, assuming I can find that damn door, and I don’t think I even had hardly any fun at all. I wish the other people here would get out of my way so I could at least make my way around the edges of the room, I think I would eventually stumble across the exit. But everywhere I move someone sort of grabs onto me and implores me to stay and have more fun. Fun? Are they really having fun? I just have to shake them off and keep searching…the door…it has to be here somewhere…there was a way IN, so there must be a way OUT of this abyss.

Exhausted. Deciding to give up my search for the portal leading me away from here, I have tried to see how great this place is and enjoy it…but I am so frustrated with not being able to SEE anything! I don’t want to sleep here again, I want to go home. I want to leave…can’t find the way out though…

Wha…? What is THAT? Oh God, that HURTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My eyes are on fire! I must have damaged them…I must be sick…I must have gotten something terrible in them…someone is talking…to me? That’s my name! Where the hell is that sound coming from? Should I shout back? No, I have been here too long…I must look a terrible sight. No one will really want to see me like this, whoever that is must be looking for someone else…what is that small white spot?

…The voice calls louder…and louder…oh no! Now what??? Someone is grabbing me…oh geez, just what I need now, I knew I shouldn’t trust anyone here, now what is happening to me? How do I fight back…I…what? That’s the voice…and whoever this is must be pretty damn strong because he is hauling my limp carcass toward…that small white spot seems to be growing…is it…light? Hey! I see something! Sort of. I could see it better if my head weren’t so heavy; it feels difficult to even hold it up. I should try walking, but nothing on my body seems to work right now. I am just too tired…too tired…too tired…someone is dragging me…

…through a doorway!!

Blinding light. Is that the sun? Faces. Voices. Water. Am I dead, I wonder?

“You’re not dead…but you should be” the voice says close to me…do I know who this is? Looks familiar, but doesn’t seem to be how I would remember this person. How did they know where to find me? I hadn’t told anyone where I was going, didn’t share my plans with anyone…just wanted to go to this fabulous hot spot for a good time, but thought it best that I go alone.

I was sure no one knew where I was…how did they know?

“I knew exactly where to find you…I have been there, too…but you are out of there now…you’re done.”

2011-03-26T17:45:00.000-07:00

Our Vision…Our Victory
Based on the 6^th century Celtic poem, translated into English verse in 1912 as the hymn “Be Thou My Vision”

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart; Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night, Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word; I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son; Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for my fight; Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower: Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise, Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart, High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won, May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall, Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

It is hard to know sometimes what the author of a string of melodious words actually meant to convey, unless they are able to tell us themselves. The hymn commonly known as “Be Thou My Vision” was not originally written in its current form, but began as a Celtic poem somewhere around the 6^th century and was translated from Old Irish into English by Mary E. Byrne in 1905. It was reorganized into verses in 1912 by Eleanor H. Hull. To both of these women we owe a great debt for bringing such a beautiful piece of music to life for English-speaking people to enjoy. The melody is the Irish folk song Slane, which is about Slane Hill where St. Patrick lit candles on Easter Eve in A.D. 433, defying the prohibition against this custom by then High King Loegaire of Tara. But hymns very often have a deeper purpose. Perhaps it is to convey a message of love or conviction, or to give voice to a heartfelt cry of pain or exultation of joy. Some hymns express adoration of our amazing God, while still others give account of His endless devotion to His people. We cannot ask the author of the words to this particular hymn exactly what he or she longed to share, but if we look closely at the modern verses there is blessing for us in every line.

Vision is a highly prized commodity. The expression “I would have given you my eyes” stems from a centuries old tradition wherein a person expressed the depth of their love to another person by saying that they would even give them their eyes if it were necessary…in other words, “I would choose to be blind in order that this person whom I love would be able to see.” This hymn begins with the cry for God to be our vision itself. Jesus taught that the eye is the lamp of the body, and that if the eye was bad, the whole body would be full of darkness, but that if the eye was good, the whole body would be full of light (Matt. 6:22,23). And here we are now, asking God to actually be our vision. Above all other things, above all other ideas, priorities, attitudes, or agendas, we ask God to be the lens through which everything that we see comes to us.

The danger in viewing all things through God this way is that we will see things as He does. The things that cause Him joy and happiness will make us happy…and the things that cause Him pain will hurt us, too.

We will be allowed to glimpse the beauty of a pure heart and unselfish love…and we will also be permitted to view the destruction of a human soul by the ravages of sin. We will see the homeless with a heart of compassion rather than judgment, and we will become intolerant of sinful actions that hurt innocent children and the weakest of our neighbors. In all of this, our eyes will become true windows into our own souls through which God can pour His light in order to dispel the darkness around us and inside of us.

When I was a little girl, I was terribly afraid of the dark. I just knew there was a boogeyman under my bed, a monster in my closet, horrible little scary guys camped out in the dresser drawers, and probably even more shadowy hoodlums creeping around just outside my bedroom window…waiting for their opportunity to pounce. My Daddy went to great lengths to convince me that there were no goblins or ghouls waiting for me, but to no avail...I hated the dark, and that was that. But the truth is, it wasn’t the darkness itself that I was so afraid of, it was the scary creatures I believed were hiding in the dark that made my heart pound. The only reason that turning on a light erased my fear was because I could clearly see that there was, as my Daddy had told me, not a single monster lying in wait. But as soon as the light went out, those shadows became menacing hiding places once again and nothing would convince me otherwise. The solution cost about a quarter back in those days: it’s called a night light. You see, what my Dad realized was that his little girl didn’t need hours of lecturing about the fact that monsters don’t exist, or scientific proof that boogeymen are just made up stories. I didn’t need him to do a “scary critter patrol” every hour, checking for creepy creatures outside. I just needed a little bit of light to push the darkness back.

Lighting up a dark room obliterates the hiding places. But remember, the monsters and boogeymen aren’t real anyway, right? Wrong. 1 Peter 5:8 tells us “…your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour’. We are warned about the darkness. 1 John 1:5 tells us that “…God is light and in Him is no darkness at all”. Obviously there is something we need to know about the dark: there is nothing of it in our God! The demonic host loves the dark for one main reason, and that is that only in darkness can it be claimed that God is absent…and the legions of hell stay as far from the Almighty as possible. Darkness is their playground, where they taunt, torment and torture; where they hide away from the brightness that exposes their vileness. In the presence of God there can be no such darkness, nowhere to hide…for the enemies outside or inside of ourselves. The harassing forces of Satan are exposed by the glare of the presence of Christ, as are the more attractively dressed minions that we invite to stay as our guests. Corrie Ten Boom said, concerning her concentration camp experience at the hand of the Nazis: "In darkness God's truth shines most clear." But just as Jacob refused to let go without a blessing when He wrestled with God in Genesis 32:22-32, we dare not sit passively, wondering when this heavenly illumination will pool around us and bring understanding and clarity to our souls! Like Jacob, we must tenaciously grasp the blessing, not fainting with fatigue, wrestling through the night until the break of a new morning sun if necessary, to see the darkness dispelled and our vision sharpened with the light of the Spirit’s dawn.

Regardless of sunrise and sunset, whether the portion of the earth we inhabit is currently bathed in sun or in shadows, when we are asleep and when we are awake, we are in His light. He is near to us, around us, inside of our very souls, always keeping watch and guarding every breath of His loved ones. As the Psalmist wrote, “…He who keeps Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep” (Psalm 121:4). He does not grow tired, His vision never fails, and the light of His presence vanquishes all that lurks in the darkness.

Now that we understand God’s presence in light, our hearts and minds seek a deeper intimacy with God, a closer walk as our feeble legs try to match His stride. As we address the endless challenges that come our way along the avenues of life, we grasp at wisdom to guide our decisions. Once again, our need is met by the God who not only gives us wisdom, but who IS our wisdom from the very beginning. The hymn expresses our need as human beings for God to come in and be our Truth in an unstable world where values shift and consequences of poor judgment can be dire. This is not a request for a new set of rules, or even a more thorough explanation of the old ones. Instead, it is an acknowledgement that the Giver of the gifts of wisdom and truth are indeed the embodiment of each. We need not be governed by ink on paper or the threat of punishment for failing to maintain a standard. Rather, our very souls can become intimately connected with Wisdom and Truth Himself just as a father and son share many of the same genes. It is in this sense that we can say with Paul, “…for in Him we live and move and have our being…” (Acts 17:28a)

It is often said that “Christ lives in us”, or “God is in my life”. But how often do we address the matter of us being in Him? Or do we overlook the fact that just as God lives in us, we too are meant to reside completely in Him? Paul wrote in his letter to the Colossians (1:17), “…He is before all things, and in Him all things consist”. Are human beings somehow exempt from “all things”? We too, are part of the “all things” that consist in Him…which is why we are so utterly lost when we separate ourselves from Him. It would be like expecting a huge bucket of water to contain itself if we take the bucket away. The instant the bucket is removed, the water spills in every direction, out of control. The bucket held the water where it was supposed to be…without it, the water loses even its most basic form and becomes an ineffectual mess, soon evaporating into the thin air.

Paul goes on to say to the Colossians, “For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God” (3:3) Our lives are safe with Him, held firmly in His grasp and under His protection. “Thou my great Father, I Thy true son…”, the hymn rolls on. In sixth century Ireland, the issue of sonship to a father was no small matter. Land was passed through families primarily through the male heirs, and genealogies were carefully kept in order for families to remember their roots. Both father and son were unmistakable gifts in a time when disease and hardship often claimed the lives of either or both long before “goodbye” was a welcome word. Not only is God our Father, He is our very great Father…and not only are we His sons, but true sons whose status in the family cannot be denied or challenged by any outsider. Not only are there responsibilities on the part of both, but also the blessings that come with being a true heir to a loving and gracious Father who withholds no good thing from His children.

Volumes have been written concerning Paul’s exhortation to the Ephesian church to “put on the whole armor of God” (6:13-18). But again, the setting of the hymn’s writing should give us pause to seek out the writer’s intent…sixth century Ireland was far different than the world in which most of us live today. Talk of swords, battle shields, and high towers all seem to belong more in movies about knights and kings in some far away land shrouded in mist, long ago and nearly forgotten. Not so to the inhabitants of Ireland in this time period. Kings came to power by use of force and size of army, political treachery abounded (In 378A.D., after ruling as king for thirteen years, Crimhthann was poisoned by his own sister!), and the common folk often defended their lands and their families by whatever means necessary. Imploring God Himself to be their battle shield, their sword, and the high tower to which they could run for safety meant much more than poetic words, it was a cry for true deliverance and protection. Oh that we could catch a glimpse of that faith…that we could nurture within ourselves a heart so devoted to our Creator that we too would “…be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand” (Ephesians 6.13.b)

Part of the Lord’s prayer (Matthew 6:9-13) is that our Father “give us this day our daily bread”. Simplicity of heart searches for sustenance in things that are required, and beauty in all that surrounds us. Riches that spoil, praise from the lips of other frail earthly men, inheritances that can be stolen or lost by thief or years…though given to us to enjoy for a time, none of these are to gain a place of reverence on the altar of our hearts. Like our own breath, all of these will one day fade from memory, returning to the hand of the One who bestowed them. First in our hearts always should be the gracious Creator who infused us with His own breath, allowing us to live and love, and learn how to live and love more. In the middle of the 4^th century, the three nephews of the High King of Ireland established a new kingdom until they themselves were conquered and rule passed to yet another king. In spite of this history, our hymn writer refers to our own true High King of Heaven as the real treasure to be sought. Earthly kings come and go, territories rise and fall, the very earth we walk on groans under the weight of bloodshed spilled in the name of war…and peace. Yet the Ruler of all never changes…never weakens…is never conquered. In His blood lies our victory, and in His heart lies our own pulse. The joys of Heaven welcome us only because His heart beats within our chest…and ours in His.

At the close of this glorious hymn are the words. “…still be my vision, O Ruler of all”. The beginning of the hymn is the same, the verses roll by, and at the end is the same cry for God Himself to be the eyes through which we view His world. We are left with the notion that this is, above all other points or requests, the most important thing the writer wished to convey, the need to see through God’s own eyes. Remember, the original text was not written in the verses we know today, but was translated first into English and then written into verse only in the last century. The original English translation follows… as His people, let it be our heart’s cry.

English Translation
by Mary Byrne, 1905

Be thou my vision O Lord of my heart
None other is aught but the King of the seven heavens.

Be thou my meditation by day and night.
May it be thou that I behold even in my sleep.

Be thou my speech, be thou my understanding.
Be thou with me, be I with thee

Be thou my father, be I thy son.
Mayst thou be mine, may I be thine.

Be thou my battle-shield, be thou my sword.
Be thou my dignity, be thou my delight.

Be thou my shelter, be thou my stronghold.
Mayst thou raise me up to the company of the angels.

Be thou every good to my body and soul.
Be thou my kingdom in heaven and on earth.

Be thou solely chief love of my heart.
Let there be none other, O high King of Heaven.

Till I am able to pass into thy hands,
My treasure, my beloved through the greatness of thy love

Be thou alone my noble and wondrous estate.
I seek not men nor lifeless wealth.

Be thou the constant guardian of every possession and every life.
For our corrupt desires are dead at the mere sight of thee.

Thy love in my soul and in my heart --
Grant this to me, O King of the seven heavens.

O King of the seven heavens grant me this --
Thy love to be in my heart and in my soul.

With the King of all, with him after victory won by piety,
May I be in the kingdom of heaven O brightness of the son.

Beloved Father, hear, hear my lamentations.
Timely is the cry of woe of this miserable wretch.

O heart of my heart, whatever befall me,
O ruler of all, be thou my vision.

Death by a thousand paper cuts

2011-03-26T09:01:00.000-07:00

“The Lord grant mercy to the household of Onesiphorus, for he often refreshed me, and was not ashamed of my chain.”

~ 2 Timothy 1:16

The second letter that the apostle Paul wrote to his beloved Timothy contain the last words recorded by this man who began as a murderer but lived out the remainder of his life as a passionate follower of the Lord Jesus. During this second imprisonment, Paul was no longer permitted to reside in an ordinary home, but was held in close confinement which made it difficult for Onesiphorus to locate him. It is important to consider that in the early first century when this faithful friend diligently searched for Paul, the merciless persecutions of Christians under Nero raged. Seeking out a man who awaited execution as a Believer would put not only one’s own live in danger, but could imperil one’s family and any known friends as well…yet Paul comments that not only did this individual continue his search until he found the faithful apostle, he was not ashamed of Paul’s chain. As followers of Christ, as friends, as members of both earthly and Heavenly families, it is crucial that we understand the gravity of this short comment on the faithfulness of a friend.

According to the most recent statistics available dating to June 2009, 3.1% of the American population is either incarcerated in jail or prison, on probation, or on parole…1 in every 32 adults. I think most of us would say that we definitely personally know far more than 32 adults, probably hundreds, actually. So that means that statistically, every one of us is likely to have a friend, family member, work associate, someone in our lives who has faced some degree of reprimand by the justice system. Does that number astound us? It should. The United States incarcerates a greater percentage of its population than any other industrialized nation in the world. But what does that mean to the church? To the individual Christian trying to live with integrity and love toward their fellow man?

In this day of internet access to just about any piece of information you might want – or NOT want – to know, there is no such thing as “keeping your life to yourself”. Not anymore. Once something is printed about an individual, whether it is true or not, it is permanently there in cyber space for all to see. Newspapers, television news programs, blogs, discussion forums…their purpose is to draw in the public to read or watch…not necessarily to tell the truth. So, without going into a diatribe about the integrity of the modern media, we need to consider the impact this kind of information can potentially have on someone. And remember, that “someone” might well be your neighbor, your friend, the person sitting next to you in the pew at your quaint little country church. What does one do when stumbling across information that could potentially damage a fellow Believer’s reputation or at the very least cast a shadow on them in the eyes of their fellow parishioners and friends? It might seem like a complicated question, but it is not.

The question is going to be one of some mistake...an error... a sin, if you will…perhaps a simple traffic incident caused by carelessness, or a domestic violence incident caused by argumentative hearts. Maybe it is even something more sinister such as a substance abuse issue or a violent crime. What is the response to these individuals by those in the church?

We must remember that whatever is between a Christian and their Lord should remain there. God offers forgiveness of sin through the blood of His Son…not through public confession or embarrassment, not through absolution by any other human. Yet, there will always be those who simply cannot leave someone else’s personal business alone and will want to “discuss the matter” or share their findings with others in an attempt to “figure out if this person is going to be a problem”. Thus begins the insidious paper trail. Though in these modern times, much of what we read is on a computer screen and not on actual paper, the effect is the same…just like opening a letter too quickly or turning paper pages carelessly, paper can cut you. The words printed on it can slice even deeper. The resulting wounds can be devastating.

But here is the thing about paper cuts. They are small. Not a single one will cause a life-threatening hemorrhage, though they hurt like the dickens. But what about ten? One hundred? A thousand? How many tiny paper cuts would it take to induce agony in our flesh? How many would it take to actually cause death? Perhaps not death of a physical body, but how about the death of faith or trust? Death of confidence in friendship? Or even worse, death of desire to be a vital part of a church or group of Believers who follow the same God?

How many times will someone make excuses for talking about a personal matter behind someone’s back? How many times will the person in question be expected to just turn away and ignore the cut of those words? How long will it take before anyone realizes that the fine line between “fact finding discussion” and “gossip” takes only a blink to cross, and that the result can easily be…death by a thousand paper cuts.

Onesiphorus earnestly sought his friend, Paul…and he was not ashamed of Paul’s chains. I wonder, if Paul were living now, if the modern church would react the same way. Paul is called the greatest of the apostles, yet before his encounter with Jesus on the Damascus road, he was a liar, a murderer, and a vicious persecutor of Christians. Yet, as he pursued a life of faith, as he sought the God he knew and lived his life according to that Spirit, he was not subject to shame by God, rather he was forgiven and empowered to bring a message of forgiveness and peace to countless others.

Ponder this, and look around yourself today. Do you know thirty-two people? Sixty-four? One hundred twenty-eight? Then you likely also know a few people who may have used up their band-aid rations on their own paper cuts. What will your response be to them? Will you allow them to continue beyond their experience on their own Damascus road, or will you continue to raise the banner of their guilt?

Perhaps the greater question is…will you at least provide the band-aids?

New TBI support group!

2010-09-30T16:00:00.000-07:00

"I have the choice whether I will survive or thrive and I choose to thrive."

The Head's Up! Traumatic Brain Injury Support group, founded in September 2010 is based in Lynnwood, Washington.

Our goal is to provide a place of support, encouragement, and resources for TBI survivors, their loved ones, and caregivers. We also encourage in-person support group meetings, and will schedule them in as many areas as possible in order to accommodate the needs of each member.

We encourage every member to participate, but such activity will always be at the member's discretion...there is no posting requirement to remain in this group. If we don't hear from a member for a period of time, we, the moderator(s) might send a private email to ask if the member is all right or perhaps experiencing difficulties, in order to be of whatever assistance possible.

Help us to make this group all that it CAN be...a group of thriving survivors who care for one another and stand together to see dreams come true and life lived in peace!

Many blessings,

Lorrie Perencevic
Head's Up! Founder, and honored sister of a brave and amazing TBI survivor!
JustLorrie@Gmail.com

Seven knots that never let go...

2010-09-16T22:48:00.000-07:00

Also known as my personal reminder bracelet.

The signature color for head injuries, as well as for mourning, is black. My brother's favorite color is true red. This evening I made this knotted thread bracelet in Sonny's honor. A few details...

To honor his courageous progress following his injury...black thread.
To honor his personal favorite color...red thread.
Each segment is comprised of seven knots, the perfect number of God and traditionally the number symbolizing good fortune.
There is one flaw knotted into the bracelet, though it is not visible and even I couldn't go back and find it...symbolizing that life is never perfect and neither are the people we love, but we cling to both just the same as we accept the good and the bad together.
Made of very strong embroidery floss, the bracelet will hang in there through wear and tear...reminding me to never let go.

Just wanted to share.

Visit Sonny's Caringbridge website to read his journal updates, sign his guestbook, and see photos.

Join the Head's Up! traumatic brain injury support and encouragement group on Facebook.

Friends of Sonny Perencevic

2010-09-03T07:47:00.000-07:00

Friends of Sonny Perencevic

Since his motorcycle accident on September 4, 2008, my brother Sonny has made amazing strides in his recovery. He continues to gain new ground and through his progress he is brave and persevering. He has come a long way, but still has a long way to go...which is where his friends are so valuable

Recovering from a severe head injury is difficult, and Sonny needs all the support he can get. We encourage those who know him to stop by for a visit, no matter how brief, to let him know he is remembered and cared for.

Sonny can do a lot of things! He recognizes familiar faces and voices, and will often smile when he is happy to see someone. He enjoys music, going outside, and watching favorite comedy TV shows. He especially enjoys watching the Seahawks play He loves a big hug as much as anyone, and both ice cream and chocolate remain two of his all-time favorite treats.

Anyone can visit Sonny during the day and/or evening, and we would be happy to be there for a “re-introduction” to smooth the way. Questions are welcome, as we know that the more someone understands about Sonny’s condition, the easier it is to interact with him and be a positive force in his life.

If you have questions about visiting Sonny, or would just like to know more in order to make the most of your time with him, please feel free to contact his sister, Lorrie:

206.330.3269 JustLorrie@Gmail.com

You can also visit Sonny’s online Caringbridge journal and leave a note for him: www.Caringbridge.org/visit/sonnyperencevic

Sonny resides at: North Creek Health and Rehabilitation Center

10909 NE 185th St Room 113, Bothell, WA 98011

Feel free to stop by or mail a note...every contact is precious.

“Don't be discouraged. It's often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock.”

Here’s to Sonny, and to a whole ring of keys!

Quote for the day:

2010-09-03T07:36:00.000-07:00

"Our duty, as men and women is to proceed as if limits to our ability did not exist. We are collaborators in creation."
~Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Back to the Rainforest!

2010-08-11T08:57:00.000-07:00

Change comes in many forms. Sometimes gradual evolution of events leads us down a winding path to our destination, sometimes a little more speedy chain of events brings us to a new place, and sometimes the sudden *zip!* of radical shifting catapults us to precisely where we are supposed to be. I recently became the human fodder of such a catapult when I found myself packing for my return trip home on the spur of the moment.

The "how" and "why" of my homecoming are not as important as the fact that I am here...finally. It has been a long road and I am glad that this propulsion into the beautiful Pacific Northwest has landed me safely with family and friends. There is much still to do, and I will chronicle that journey here...but for now, I will simply say, "There is no place like home!"

The "No Limits Pledge"

2010-07-26T10:22:00.000-07:00

"I hereby solemnly swear to stop holding myself back.

I will no longer see limitations, and only see opportunities.

The bad and unfair things that happen to me are actually gifts that allow me to grow as a person.

I can do and be anything I want to.

I have complete control over my life.

There are no limits to what I can do and become."

Thanks to Sara Morgan, founder of "No Limits" and author of the profoundly insightful book by the same title.

"Wellness of the Soul"

2010-07-23T08:42:00.000-07:00

Based on the hymn “It is well with my soul” by Horatio Spafford, 1873

We live in a time when “wellness” is a buzzword. Wellness of body, wellness of mind, wellness in our emotions, wellness in our finances, relationships, almost any area of life is addressed by whether or not we are “well” in that regard. As Christians, it is the constant daily judgment call as to whether we are walking in each of these areas according to God’s will and direction, whether we are allowing Christ to dwell in us fully so that every one of these areas is under His control and producing the fruit that He desires in us. (Colossians 3:16 "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom…”) Obviously the best outcome would be that every single area of our lives as Believers are indeed governed by His loving grace and His holy standards of righteousness so that we daily learn to walk with Him more fully and become conformed to the image of Jesus. Under those circumstances, we would say that all of those areas are “well”, that they are just as they should be, and that we can be content with how our lives are progressing.

But if we are honest with ourselves, we will admit that we are seldom in such a state that every area of our lives is indeed in such a state of wellness. Oh, we might be generally at peace, or for the most part functioning without serious turmoil or trauma…but to say that we are completely well in every area would be a reach. Horatio Spafford knew what this was like. Mr. Spafford lost his home and his considerable business holdings during the Chicago fire of 1871, and had set about making plans to rebuild his business and home. In 1873, he sent his wife and four daughters ahead of him on a ship bound for England, with the plan to follow them a short time later. On November 22, 1873, the ship that Mrs. Spafford and the girls traveled on sank at sea, and of the family only Mrs. Spafford survived…all four of the daughters drowned. While traveling to England to meet his bereaved wife, Horatio Spafford penned the words to the well-known hymn, “It is well with my soul”. But let’s back up for a second. This man had just suffered loss on nearly every side. He was, by all standards, NOT in a state of “wellness”! He was in deep grief over losing his only four children, he had lost his home by fire, he was re-building his business, he was under immense emotional stress, probably lacking sleep and, like most people experiencing grief and hardship, not eating quite normally. All of these things add up to one very “NOT-well” individual…and yet he wrote “It is well with my soul”.

Do we see the point here? He didn’t lie to himself and say it was well with everything in the world, while he was going through tragedy after tragedy. He didn’t suggest that his unfathomable losses were of little consequence or that they were minor setbacks rather than major hardships. He recognized the situation for the painful challenge that it was, yet in the midst of it he said it was well with his SOUL. He lost his home. His business. His livelihood. His children. Possibly his physical health. And yet he said that it was well with his soul.

We do not always live in the midst of peace. Our world is rife with discord. Troubles abound; wars rage; sickness ravages with no regard for the young or old, the good or the evil; crime is rampant; natural disasters occur without warning, and we as Believers in Jesus often look upward and wonder when will there be relief from the hardships that life throws at us? At such times it makes sense that we would struggle. Definitely, when troubles come we do not see peace in our surroundings. This makes sense. But what about when we ARE at peace? What about those times when life seems to be rolling along like a song and we really don’t have much to be upset about? Either way, it is well. But not because of any momentary lack of struggle or strife in our lives. Jesus said in John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” It may or may not be well with the peace of the world, but it is well with our soul in the midst of whatever peace we live within…or without.

I said my final goodbye to my Dad on December 13th, 1997. I felt like someone had cut off both of my legs, I was so lost after his passing. Never did I know such extreme grief until the loss of our six month old son on October 25th, 2006. Again, my grief was so overwhelming that at times I feared I would suffocate under the sheer weight of it…and at other times I wished I would. The loss was so intense that I couldn’t see how life could ever be right again. Oh, I knew life would “go on”, but deep in my heart I believed that nothing in my world would ever again be beautiful and bright and lovely…my pain blinded me to any hope of goodness , or to the love of a gracious God who was carrying me through every moment of that grievous time. I had always said, “I can handle just about any trial that comes my way, I could trust God and bear up under whatever hardship comes, as long as nothing ever happens to one of my children. Losing a child would do me in.” Now suddenly I was in the midst of the greatest pain and deepest fear I had ever considered, and I was lost. Ask anyone who knew me at that time, I was definitely not well. I was an emotional train wreck. I wasn’t eating, I couldn’t sleep, my ability to focus on even small tasks was severely compromised. I was forgetful and depressed. I fled every church service I tried to attend because even the mention of a baby or the sound of an infant in the congregation would reduce me to tearful sobbing. My husband and I were utterly broken. Horatio Spafford would have understood perfectly. I can imagine that he would have sat quietly, tears likely spilling down his own face, taken our hands and said something like “Let us pray together, for my heart knows the very same pain that yours does.” Sorrow. Grief. Suffering. Loss. They rip our hearts out and cause us to feel decidedly NOT well. And yet…”it is well with my SOUL”, Horatio Spafford said. Paul said in Philippians 4:12-13 “I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” My emotions may flail about searching for relief, my mind may cry out for the blessedness of sleep to restore strength and clarity of thought, my body may ache with fatigue and tension, my heart continue to beat even though I cannot see how it possibly can wracked as it is with spasms of pain…yet my SOUL lives outside of these realms where pain attacks. My soul is with Christ in Heavenly places, and His Spirit lives in the deepest recesses of my heart no matter how heavy that heart may feel to me. Christ in me…”the hope of glory”, Paul wrote to the Colossians (1:27). Me in Christ…the safety and assurance of my place in the Father’s house! Paul reminded the Ephesians (2:6) that our Father loved us so much, even when we were lost and dead in sin, that He saved us through His grace “and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus…”. That is the TRUTH: no matter what sorrow befalls me, no matter how severe or how devastating any grief may be…it is well with my SOUL.

Satan asked the Lord to allow him to sift Peter like wheat. Now, I grew up in farmland and I know what wheat sifting looks like. I don’t entertain even the slightest notion that it is something I would want to have done to ME! Stripping the chaff, tossing the wheat kernels in order to free them of any debris, passing them through the machines designed to remove everything that is not supposed to be there and leave only the clean grains…can we see the picture here? Satan asked to do all of that to Peter. He asked to be allowed to take Peter through the wringer. To strip away his outer shell, the walls around himself that kept Peter safe from the external confrontations the world might bring. To toss him, mix him up, spin him around, pour him out again, throw him into the air, and ultimately lay him quietly in the cool darkness. Jesus didn’t tell Peter, “Hey, but don’t worry, I would never let that old bugger get a hold of you,” or “Now don’t fret, this won’t hurt a bit”.

Jesus told Peter that He had PRAYED for him. Now, tell me Peter didn’t shake in his sandals at hearing THAT! Jesus the Messiah, having walked on water, healed who knows how many sick people, raised more than one person from the dead, calmed a storm with nothing more than a verbal command…He told Peter, “I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren.” (Luke 22:32). In other words, Jesus had no intention of stopping Satan from doing exactly what he had asked to do…he would be permitted to sift Peter. Jesus knew that all that would preserve Peter would be the power of God Himself, and so He prayed for His disciple. He trusted His Father yet again to handle things as He saw fit, knowing that His way was always the best way, that He loved Peter more than anyone else ever could, and that the very best that He could do was to place Peter firmly into His Father’s loving hands. Peter was held in those mighty hands through every trial he ever faced, right up through his own crucifixion upside-down…he was never out of the Father’s powerful grasp. Satan sifted him, all right. Pulverized him. Beat him, taunted him, stole his sleep, tormented his mind and dealt out agony to his flesh. But again the TRUTH…it was well with Peter’s SOUL, even as he hung dying, crucified for his faith. Satan DOES attack. He does “buffet” us, as a storm blowing against a mountainside or a gust of freezing rain lashing at a rock face. He throws every negative thing at us that he can, seeking to destroy us to our very core. Don’t ever think that the devil is just a little red guy with horns and a pitchfork, running around poking at us on occasion and trying to get us to make little mistakes. He is no such little thing. He does not seek to bother or bug us, to just annoy us with his frustrating antics. No. Please remember that Satan was once an angel in the Heavenlies, acquainted with the greatness of God and well-versed in the many ways that God’s creation can be damaged, scarred, and ultimately destroyed. THAT is what he wants to do. Peter himself taught that “the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour”, and that we must “resist him, steadfast in the faith…” (1Peter 5:8,9). We may not find ourselves crucified upside-down like Peter was, but we do face attacks of various kinds. Perhaps God will allow Satan to inflict us with an illness, bring about an injury, send discouragement or turmoil or some other hardship our way, not because He doesn’t love us but because those trials draw us closer to Him as we look to Him as our source of all comfort. He knows what we are made of and where our strength comes from, (“For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.” Psalm 103:14) but do we? Do we see our weaknesses? The places where we need to give more attention to God’s designs and more effort to seek out His plans for us? Do we rest fully in His care without trying to manipulate things our own way? Even if we think we do all those things just right, God may exercise His right, in His good judgment and as a loving Father, to allow Satan to sift us like wheat just as he did Peter. If that happens – WHEN that happens – can we see that even when Satan buffets, even when we are under direct attack, it is well…with our SOUL? Or even when trials come that have nothing to do with a demonic attack, but are just part of daily life here on this big blue ball hurtling through space. Sometimes we can’t tell which it is, the hand of Satan, or just ordinary human struggle. When the law of gravity comes into play and we simply fall. Even THEN, it is well with my soul.

By now some folks might be thinking, “Yeah, that’s great to SAY, but when the chips are down and the buffalo’s empty, how in the world are we supposed to make that REAL? How do we actually make that a TRUTH and not just a platitude in our lives?” It is not up to us to do anything at all except for one thing, and that is to realize that we can do nothing at all. Sound like circular reasoning? Follow Horatio Spafford into the third verse of his hymn: “For Christ has regarded my helpless estate, and has shed His own blood for my soul”! Hear me now. It is not up to us to “make anything well”. Did you hear me? Let me say it again: “IT IS NOT UP TO US TO MAKE ANYTHING WELL”. It is not up to me to make my soul well, it is up to the Father who keeps my soul safe to keep it well. Now, don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying that I have no responsibility to seek God, to follow His Word, to look to Jesus as my example, etc. Of course those are all things that we as Believers should always be doing. But even so, those things do not now, nor did they ever, earn our salvation or buy God’s grace like a cheap reward for following the rules. In our state of sin we were helpless to save ourselves. In our state of salvation, we are helpless to preserve ourselves. God’s grace alone draws us to Himself, plants faith in our hearts to believe His promises, and extends mercy through the shed blood of His Son who gave His own life in order to restore us to fellowship with the Father. Jude verse 24 speaks of “Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy…”. God is able to keep safe what He has placed in us, namely His own Spirit. But you might say, “Yes, but then what if the Father chooses NOT to draw us to Himself?? How fair and loving is THAT? We would have no choice, we couldn’t come to Him no matter what! We would be lost through no fault of our own!” But that would not be true. God desires that all men come to repentance and to know and love Him as their Father (2Peter 3:9). He acts accordingly, by His wisdom and boundless love for mankind as His treasured creation. There is no unfairness in God, not sarcasm, no desire to trick us. It is not up to us to make anything happen, but it IS up to us to respond when the Spirit of God calls us to turn to Him. Christ regards us in our helpless estate. God sees our frame and He knows that we are dust (Psalm 103:14). He strengthens us according to His own Word, which is living and active (Hebrews 4:12). HE does the work…all we have to do is accept it and walk in it. Accept. Walk. Accept more. Keep walking. Keep accepting. Keep walking.

But sometimes we still think we need more to go on. We are, after all, rational, intelligent human beings who demand answers to questions and would like reasons for the things we are supposed to do. We deserve answers, don’t we? Well…no, not really. Just ask Job. God is not obligated to tell us anything, but I think He had fun revealing the end of His plan to John in the solitude of Patmos just so we could one day read “the rest of the story”. How this all wraps up is no mystery. There is no need to sit in puzzlement, because God told us what was going to happen and what to expect as the end of history unfolds. Why do we have hope? How can we possibly hold on when we are at our wit’s end and we see nothing good coming our way? Horatio Spafford must have asked some of these very same questions in some moments, but he knew where to look for the answers. He knew the rest of the story. He knew that God did not leave us in the dark, asking us to blindly trust Him or to just assume that everything would somehow work out. No, Horatio read the Book and received strength to carry him through. “Oh Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, the clouds be rolled back as a scroll”, he wrote. There was no question that the day would come, just a plea for it to come quickly! Roll those clouds back, Lord, and please don’t wait very long! “The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend…”. Okay…the clouds roll back, trumpets heard everywhere, and down comes the Lord Himself! Isaiah, during his vision of God’s throne, fell on his face and cried out, “Woe is me, for I am undone! Because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts”(Isaiah 6:5)…and yet God’s people will see Jesus coming in the clouds and rejoice at His coming! No “woe is me”, but “Yes! Come, Lord Jesus!” THAT is the hope! Face-to-face fellowship, seeing Him in His glory and being able to marvel at His appearance! Being completely restored, no broken bonds, nothing left undone or incomplete, no pain, no sorrow, no more being sifted like wheat! It’s DONE! Here He comes, I’m in the family, let’s go! THAT is the hope He holds out to us. THAT is why we can say “It is well with my soul” in the midst of all these other things that WILL happen until He appears.

“It is well with my Soul” by Horatio Spafford, 1873

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
when sorrows like sea billows roll;
whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well with my soul,
it is well, it is well with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
let this blest assurance control,
that Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
and hath shed his own blood for my soul.
(Refrain)

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
(Refrain)

And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
the clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
even so, it is well with my soul.
(Refrain)

"According to Court Records…"

2010-07-23T08:34:00.000-07:00

"From this it is clear how much more cruel the pen may be than the sword."
~Robert Burton, 1621

We live in the information age…actually, we have been living in the information age for quite a while, and in many ways the availability of information is nothing short of miraculous. Researchers are able to compile data and compare studies that lead to effective treatments for disease, saving countless lives. Satellites circle the earth and warn the inhabitants of our fair planet of dangerous storms and weather systems, again preventing needless injury or loss of life. On a smaller, but possibly even more meaningful scale, parents remain in daily contact with their children who are away at school, husbands and wives retain bonds of closeness even when work or other duties place physical distance between them, and lifelong friends stay united by writing letters and emails, placing phone calls, and of course by sending the constantly-sought-after “perfect greeting card”. Our lives are made richer and vastly more satisfying through the simple ability to communicate information to each other.

But there is a dark side to communication as well. Just as there is the opportunity for information to benefit the masses, there is also the chance of information being misused or mishandled to someone’s very great harm. Napoleon Bonaparte said, “Four hostile newspapers are more to be feared than a thousand bayonets.” The Greek playwright Euripedes obviously had similar thoughts clear back around 406 B.C. when he wrote, "The tongue is mightier than the blade." Neither of these two men would have been surprised at the slash and stab techniques used by most newspapers in our modern culture, because they both obviously understood the immense force wielded by the written word…whether or not those words be truthful. That’s the proverbial fly in the ointment of media reporting: the truth is no longer the point. The truth used to be the point, somewhere back in time when the hearts of men and women were purely noble and no one would have dared to dream of spreading malicious stories about someone else purely for personal or professional gain. Yes, back in such a time a newspaper would have been used to report…well, to report news. You know, important world events, stories of local heroes saving the day, celebrated births and mournful passings, helpful financial information, and of course the comics! But that was then, and this is now...and things have definitely changed.

“Reliable sources say…”, “Our information indicates…”, “Investigators have discovered…”, and “It seems apparent…” are all phrases commonly used in press reports to gloss over the fact that much of what they report are actually unfounded, unsupported, downright fabricated statements that should never be allowed in a public forum. Such statements often border on groundless rumor-mongering at best, and outright slander at worst. The winner of the “Hide Behind Semantics” prize would be this lead-in: “According to court records…”,which leads the reader to believe that since what they are about to read is part of an official court record, it can be assumed to be true. Unfortunately all this actually means is that the statement was made in a courtroom…it has absolutely no bearing whatsoever on the accuracy of the statement itself. As a matter of fact, Prosecutors and law enforcement officers have immunity when speaking on the record in court, and cannot he held liable for statements they make which may not be true. Evidently the threat of a perjury charge for lying in court only applies to the defense and to civilian witnesses, not to the prosecution.

Now, one may wonder, “What’s the big deal?”. After all, whatever is written about an individual, even in a big-city newspaper or tabloid, is just something someone else wrote, so why should it make any difference? Shouldn’t we all just go on living our lives and “doing what we do” regardless of anyone else’s opinion? Wouldn’t it be best to just ignore whatever the media spews forth about us and just assume that everyone else in the world will also see it for the garbage that it is and not lend any credence to it? Perhaps we should rely on the childhood adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me”? Unfortunately, the sad fact is that words can and do often cause irreperable damage to people’s lives. Ask someone whose personal life is laid bare for the world to see when they are charged with a crime, just how much damage inaccurate newspaper reporting can cause. (Not convicted of a crime, but simply charged…but that’s another article altogether.) Ask the family member of a political candidate who suddenly has no privacy whatsoever, even though they are not the individual running for office. Or ask the individual who brings a complaint against the judicial or law enforcement system and then becomes the target of a public “investigation” because they had the courage to address a failure within the legal system. The list is long of citizens whose personal and professional lives, reputations, families, and futures have been placed at risk or destroyed altogether by careless, factless statements published in public newspapers.

The Legal Information Institute states that, “despite popular misunderstanding the right to freedom of the press guaranteed by the first amendment is not very different from the right to freedom of speech. It allows an individual to express themselves through publication and dissemination. It is part of the constitutional protection of freedom of expression. It does not afford members of the media any special rights or privileges not afforded to citizens in general.” Interesting. One has to wonder how it is that the media is permitted to photograph defendants in a courtroom, publish unsubstantiated accusations against a defendant, and even disseminate private information purely for the purpose of “interest or entertainment”, without risk of charges of slander or invasion of privacy. Not to mention that a private citizen pulling out a camera to photograph anyone in a courtroom is subject to criminal charges themselves. Clearly there is a difference in the privilege of free speech enjoyed by the media as opposed to that of ordinary citizens.There is power wielded by the press that the average citizen simply does not possess…power to inform, to educate, and to destroy, depending on how that power is used.

Personally, I see immense value in newspapers, especially for those who keep birds as pets! Newspaper is also superb for washing windows, mulching a vegetable garden, locating dates and times of yard and garage sales, and starting a fire on a cold winter’s night. Once in a while I may actually read one first.

“Innocent until proven guilty”…the lie

2010-07-23T08:29:00.000-07:00

The Universal Declaration of Human Rights, article 11, states: "Everyone charged with a penal offence has the right to be presumed innocent until proved guilty according to law in a public trial at which they have had all the guarantees necessary for their defense."

Unfortunately, though this is a noble and admirable concept designed to protect citizens from unjust prosecution and incarceration, it is not always conformed to in truth by the law enforcement and judicial powers-that-be in our nation today. How is this whole system supposed to work? Ideally, when it is alleged that an individual has committed a crime, the burden of proving that allegation rests upon the Prosecution. Here enters the idea of being “innocent until proven guilty”. It must be proven beyond any reasonable doubt that the defendant did indeed commit the crime of which they stand accused. The Prosecution has the privilege of presenting their case first, and then the defendant is permitted to present his/her defense. The defendant may employ a wide variety of evidence and call witnesses to testify in order to contradict the Prosecution's accusation. The defendant then has the right to have a jury decide their fate, based on all of the evidence presented. In a perfect world, the truly guilty would be proven so and the truly innocent would go free. In the "gray areas", there would be cases where a crime was committed but it was perhaps a lesser crime than the defendant was charged with...but that would be in a perfect world, in which we certainly do not live.

In this less-than-perfect world in which we live, the scenario may look something like this:

An individual is suspected of committing a crime, so the District Attorney files a charge. The defendant will appear for arraignment on the charge, at which time they will plead either “guilty” or “not guilty” and bail may be set. If the defendant cannot pay the required bail amount, they will be remanded to jail where they will then sit until their case is decided one way or another. Here is where it gets interesting! You might think the Prosecution has already done a great deal of investigation in order to ascertain that there is support for a criminal charge against the poor sap who is now stressing out in a tiny little jail cell, but in actual fact at this point the investigation has barely begun. Did you catch that? They just started. They have decided that the defendant did indeed commit a crime, and now they are going to go find the "evidence" they need to prove their case. So in fact, the defendant is NOT "innocent until proven guilty" at all...they are already presumed to be guilty as sin and will sit incarcerated for months oreven years while the wheels of justice slowly turn.

In San Diego County, 94% of felony charges result in either a conviction at trial or the defendant agreeing to "plead guilty" in exchange for a sentence they can tolerate. For example, to someone facing a serious charge carrying the possibility of a lengthy prison sentence, signing a plea to a lesser charge and serving perhaps only a few years sounds pretty good…even if they are innocent, and especially if they have already been sitting in county jail for a long period of time. This is how people who may truly be innocent end up with felony convictions, parole headaches, and the social stigma of having pled guilty to a crime.

Thus, the U.S. now has the highest incarceration rate and the highest documented jail and prison population in the world. I suspect that’s largely because the judicial system has forgotten that citizens are to be believed to be innocent until and unless it can be unequivocally proven that they are guilty of a crime. To date, this author personally knows of more than ten private citizens who waited for more than two years for their cases to even come to trial...and one is still awaiting trial three years after the date of arrest.

The wheels of justice turn slowly indeed...and sometimes they fall off altogether.

Public education… "right" or "requirement"?

2010-07-23T08:24:00.000-07:00

Say the words “public education” out loud, especially in a room full of parents of school-aged children, and you will see reactions as varied as the colors of a sunset. Some faces will light up with thankfulness that for at least nine months out of the year, the kiddos are out of the house and under some other assumingly-competent adult’s supervision for at least six hours of every day. Other faces will sort of crinkle inward in thought as the owner of said face ponders the deeper questions of, “which school is the best for little Johnny”, and “is public school the best or should I fork out the money for private school?”. Still others will drag out their carefully concealed soapboxes to shout forth the wondrous benefits and life-changing blessings of home or independent schooling, while another camp will simply roll their eyes toward the ceiling in a doleful look that conveys, “Oh boy, here we go again…did I even bring my soapbox with me? Or do I even care to argue this point yet again?”.

So, while the arrows fly and the wounded fall, the issue of the “best” way to educate our children remains hotly debated. At stake is not only the education of our precious offspring, but also our precious reputations as parents because, if we are honest about it, part of our concern with the entire matter is that we be seen as responsible, loving parents who make wise choices for our children and do whatever is the absolute best for them. We not only want Little Johnny to be able to read “see Spot run” right on time with all the other first-graders, we want little Johnny to have the opportunity to prove his superiority in the gene pool by mastering his multiplication tables by the age of six and moving on to high school algebra long before he graduates from the sixth grade. Of course, if he is also reciting Shakespeare and designing hot new video game programs in junior high, that would be a bonus, too…anything to make us look like intelligent, well-rounded parents providing every opportunity for our children’s education. If Little Johnny manages to convince our peers that we have some particular mastery in the art of parenting due to his personal achievements, that’s just a bonus feather in our cap.

Thankfully, here in America Little Johnny will have every opportunity to acquire at least a basic education. In past centuries, his opportunities would have lay at the mercy of whether his parent’s income was sufficient to pay for private schooling or tutoring, but today Little Johnny is blessed to have the American Education Association in his corner, assuring that he not miss out on vital learning. Thank goodness. He will be presented with phonics lessons that will help him to learn to read proficiently; math lessons that will help him to manage numbers, budgeting, and balancing a checkbook; writing skills that will enable him to fill out job applications or write captivating articles as a journalist; not to mention the time-honored skills of simply showing up on time for classes, following directions, turning in assignments on time without excuses, listening and paying attention (hopefully), and respect for authority. But wait! There’s more! Little Johnny’s blessings of public education do not stop there! Oh no, he has only begun to learn.

Next on Little Johnny’s educational agenda will be a class called “Boundaries of Parental Authority”. This is where he will learn all about what his parents are and are not allowed to do in their practices of raising him to adulthood. He will come away understanding that no, he does not have to do what his parents tell him to do if he does not agree with their directives, because he is entitled to his own opinions and the creative expression thereof and it is actually “abusive” of his parents to attempt to channel his personal beliefs in a direction that complements their own. He will learn that attempts by his parents to admonish or punish him for misbehavior or breaking of rules can be considered to be “controlling” or “harsh”, and thus he merely has to threaten to alert the authorities and he will get his way. But still the blessing of public education does not end…

Next on the agenda is “Realistic Sexual Expectations” class. Never mind that Little Johnny may only be in the third grade at this point, it is deemed necessary that he learn very early on exactly how to express himself sexually in a manner that avoids disease transmission and/or personal injury. He will be instructed, with the help of plaster models and donated supplies, in the fine art of applying a condom just in case he finds himself in the position of enjoying a sexual encounter (which seems like an odd activity for a third-grader to stumble across, but hey, “preparation” is one of the keys to safe sex, right?). He will be given contact information for such organizations as Planned Parenthood and advised that he may speak with a counselor at any time without his parents being informed about the conversation. Thank goodness such counseling is available from the learned elite who have a personal vested interest in Little Johnny’s physical and emotional well-being! Without such resources he would likely have to fall back on discussing such weighty matters with…egads…his parents. Remember, those individuals who care for him every day, feed him, remind him to take his bath, make sure that he washes behind his ears, and who will bear the cost of his decisions – whether wise or unwise – throughout the span of his juvenile years until he is an adult? They remain responsible for him even as others take liberties to share their opinions and agendas with Little Johnny outside of Mom and/or Dad’s earshot. Parenting isn’t for sissies, it never has been. But these days there is a “defensive mode” associated with raising children that did not exist prior to public schools overstepping their bounds from the arena of providing a basic intellectual education to shaping the morals, behavior, and personal philosophies of our nation’s young…with or without the blessing of our nation’s parents.

So, is public education as a concept incorrigibly corrupt and in need of being taken out with this week’s trash? Certainly not. In many areas of the world today, even a basic education is beyond the reach of average citizens due to prohibitive cost or geographical barriers. Children in such societies may reach adulthood barely able to read at all, and equipped for only the most menial of employment with little to no hope of future advancement or opportunities for enrichment. In some societies, only the social or economic elite receive any educational opportunities whatsoever, causing a wide chasm between the lower, uneducated classes and the upper, wealthy classes. Essentially, the poor get poorer and the rich get richer because of a simple lack of educational avenues for common citizens to expand their own horizons.

In the U.S., public schools were founded in order to break the cycle of ignorance and to afford all children the opportunity to acquire at least a basic education that would equip them for life as an adult. (It can be argued that a K-12 education does not afford such ability in and of itself, but that a college degree is now required for someone to truly be ready for successful life in American culture. The discussion of the necessity of a college education is an interesting one, but is beyond the scope of this writing.) Thankfully, all American children are eligible for entry into public school, so no child in this fair land need approach adulthood illiterate or unable to balance a checkbook. Billions of tax dollars each year support our country’s public school system, in addition to the countless levies and fund-raisers routinely held to cover the cost of items that somehow slip through the cracks…things like textbooks, computers, writing materials, and those really important plaster models for the students to practice on.

Well, what’s the problem, then? It sounds like the system is working as well as can be expected in this modern age and we don’t have too much to complain about, right? Not until you try to exercise your right to not have your child educated in the public school system. Unfortunately, what was once offered as a privilege has now become a requirement about which parents have little choice other than to place their children in costly private schools wherein they might (emphasis on “might”) have more say in the curriculum and teacher/student influence. Many families choose home-based education either independently or through distance learning programs offered at all grade/age levels. Depending on individual state laws, even where home schooling is permitted, parents are often forced to comply with a state-approved curriculum mirroring the very materials to which they are trying to avoid their children’s exposure. They also may be forced to document the same number of hours spent by their children in studying various subjects throughout the day as compared to their public school peers, even though the same amount of time is not required to teach a classroom of one or two or three as opposed to teaching a classroom of thirty or more students. The reasoning behind these requirements is quite simple: The raising and educating of our children is deemed to be beyond the expertise of the average parent, tasks which we cannot safely tend to on our own without government interference regulating the ways in which we care for our own families. The U. S. government believes that they are ultimately responsible for our children, hence they should make the decisions that influence the moral and intellectual development of each child. In a sense, the government has stepped into the role of “parent” by usurping parental authority in the home and placing requirements on American families that could result in having children removed from the home and/or parents facing criminal charges if those requirements are not met. At some point “Big Brother” became “Big Daddy” when no one was looking, and Americans seem to be stuck with this new branch in the family tree.

The solution to this moral/educational conundrum just might seem to be beyond the reach of parents as we ponder the question of, “What the heck do I do now?”. But fear not…the answer is simple! All that is needed is for the U.S. government to step back and accept that they have no business interfering in American families, the National Education Association needs to stop treating parents like idiots who only know how to produce children but who are incapable of raising them, and the basic responsibility of educating and providing for children should be restored without question to their parents…not Planned Parenthood, not the local school board, and certainly not the U.S. government. Sound a bit simplistic? Perhaps. But remember that “freedom” is a principle upon which our nation was founded. It seems reasonable that such principles should remain the bedrock upon which we build a strong and independent country, comprised of citizens who have learned how to think for themselves and who are well established in nurturing families who give stability and security to their ventures. One need only look at the failures of government policy and practices to realize that entrusting them to be the ultimate authority regarding our children’s futures might not be the grandest of ideas.

Personally, I believe that public education is ultimately a blessing in that it ensures that no American child is forced to miss out completely on at least a basic education. But it seems to me that we are witnessing a situation of “the good being the enemy of the best”. Parents should have the final say regarding the education of their own children. Period.

After all, this is Amerika…oops, I mean America…right?